Well this is my first try at this so its probably going to be horrible. Its also my first time writting an application essay. Basically i have to write about why I want to go to a school for art and design and why I chose to apply at The Cleveland Instatute of Art. Thank you for any help. oh and i wasn't completely sure what forum this went under.
Ever since I was a child I've always had a passion for drawing, but like all other children I wanted to be something extraordinary, like a veterinary or a firefighter. I didn't realize until I was a teenager that that the only thing that has been with me my entire life was art. It was always there.
I've always used art as an outlet for my feelings even if I hadn't realized it until I was older. I have had my fair share of good and bad times, just like any other normal person. But I think the thing that sets me apart is that I would let my emotions out quietly. I wouldn't fuss or throw a fit, but I would draw it. Sometimes I didn't even know what I was drawing; it just turned into something completely horrible looking, but then that would be how I felt at the time. Though I suppose I know now that letting my emotions hide in my art wasn't the best thing for me to do, art also taught me, not only how to convey my emotions, but how to tell people what I was feeling when I couldn't exactly put it into words.
The manga Naruto came out in America when I was in about sixth grade, that was a major turning point in my life. I had never heard of such a thing where you could make a whole bunch of pictures with a bit of text and make a story out of it. And so my friend, Jordan, and I would go over to each other's houses and draw comics until we literally passed out. We knew the exact date of when the next book would come out and we would go out and buy it that day. And draw our favorite scenes from it. We would create our own characters and make our own stories. Now art had taught me how to put my feelings into a character that I created in a world I created for them to make a story.
When I got into high school I got the best art teacher I could've ever hoped for. She had been teaching at my school for maybe twenty years, though I'm not exactly sure. She knows her stuff and besides that she's a wonderful person in general, basically she's my hero. She's rather rounded with her art skills and she teaches us everything we need to know. She does things in our class that most teachers don't even think of teaching their students until they get into college. She pushes us to our breaking point and she makes us angry until we don't want to talk to her anymore. But anyone would be impressed by the improvement her students have made in the past three to four years. And she knows that she's the best, and she produces some of the best art students. And when you put her artistic skills aside, and the stressful job of teaching a bunch of uncooperative teenagers for seven hours a day, she can still joke around and smile with us. She understands what it's like. She taught us to go for what we want in our lives, not what the world wants. And that we may not lives like Richie Rich on an art salary, but as long as we love it, we shouldn't need money to make us happy.
And so I guess that's why I chose to go to a school for art and design. It's my entire life; it all revolves around my art and what I can create. I want to create worlds and characters that people can only imagine. I want to give people a visual to every emotion they feel, every emotion that they're not sure how to show. And I want to show every child that there is a way to be loud and to have a voice, even when you feel like you can't even speak you can still make people understand. As long as you have art you'll always have a voice. That's why I want to go to CIA I want to let my voice be heard, I want people to see what I have to say.
I like what you have to say. I suggest reading it out to yourself, to make it flow better. Also put yourself in the position of the person reading it. There are a bunch of grammatical mistakes and informalities, but don't worry about those so much until you've gotten your story perfect. By the way could you read my essay. I am also going to post an essay about art soon, so I hope you can read that later. I'll try to help you out more tomorrow, but I'm just really busy tonight.
So I made a few changes. One - a few times you talked about things in a group (like you and your friend Jordan or your art class) when the essay should be about YOU. Also I cut a lot of the third paragraph where you talk about your teacher because that seems a little off topic.
The only other thing I would say is that this essay gives a really clear idea on why you want to go to art school, but not why you want to go to this particular school. I would try making it more school-specific.
Anyways, good job and here are my edits:
Ever since I was a child I've always had a passion for drawing, but like all other children I wanted to be something extraordinary, like a veterinary or a firefighter. I didn't realize until I was a teenager that that the only thing that has been with me my entire life was art. It was always there.
I've always used art as an outlet for my feelings even if I hadn't realized it until I was older. I have had my fair share of good and bad times, just like any other normal person. But I think the thing that sets me apart is that I would let my emotions out quietly. I wouldn't fuss or throw a fit, but I would draw it. Sometimes I didn't even know what I was drawing; it just turned into something completely horrible looking, but then that would be how I felt at the time. Though I suppose I know now that letting my emotions hide in my art wasn't the best thing for me to do, art also taught me, not only how to convey my emotions, but how to tell people what I was feeling when I couldn't exactly put it into words.
The manga, Naruto, came out in America when I was in about sixth grade, that was a major turning point in my life. I had never heard of such a thing where you could make a whole bunch of pictures with a bit of text and make a story out of it. And so my friend Jordan, and I would go over to each other's houses and draw comics until we literally passed out. We knew the exact date of when the next book would come out and we would go out and buy it that day. I would create my own characters and make my own stories. I began to learn through art how to put my feelings into a character and world that I created to make a story.
When I got into high school I got the best art teacher I could've ever hoped for. Not only does she know her stuff but she's a wonderful person in general. Basically she's my hero. She does things in our class that most teachers don't even think of teaching their students until they get into college. She pushes us to our breaking point and she makes us angry until we don't want to talk to her anymore. She taught me to go for what I want in my life, not what the world wants. And though I may not live like Richie Rich on an art salary, but as long as I love it, I don't need money to be happy.
I guess that's why I chose to go to a school for art and design. It's my entire life; it all revolves around my art and what I can create. I want to create worlds and characters that people can only imagine. I want to give people a visual to every emotion they feel, every emotion that they're not sure how to show. And I want to show every child that there is a way to be loud and to have a voice, even when you feel like you can't even speak you can still make people understand. As long as you have art you'll always have a voice. That's why I want to go to CIA I want to let my voice be heard, I want people to see what I have to say.
Ever since childhood I've always had a passion for drawing,...
I didn't realize until I was a teenager thatIt wasn't until I was a teenage that I realized that the only thing that has been with me my entire life was art. It was always there.
I have had my fair share of good and bad times, just like any other normal (maybe ordinary will be better) person.
And sowith my friend, Jordan, and I would go over to each other's houses and draw comics until we literally passed out.
She had been teaching at my school for maybe twenty years, though I'm not exactly sure .
She pushes us to our breaking point and she makes us angry until we don't want to talk to her anymore.
And when you put her artistic skills aside, and Putting her artistic skills aside, and after the stressful job of teaching a bunch of uncooperative teenagers for seven hours a day, she can still joke around and smile with us.
These are just some of my suggestions.
Please go to my thread and edit mine, thanks :) !!
Ok guys thanks for the help :) I'll make the changes and post it again to see if its any better
