Hello,
my essay was gone over by my writing tutor (but not thoroughly)
not considering grammar mistakes, what errors do you see?
Thanks in advance!
Reputable Economics Research Program
My passion for economics had been veiled until I was 16. When I was little I was rather engrossed in mathematics in which I excelled many other students and in fact, I did not even know what the term economics was. It was when I had a job at my father's company that I first touched economics and got truly absorbed into it.
In the summer, I volunteered to work at my father's company to spend my vacation somewhat meaningfully. Honestly, I was expecting to have a trivial job such as a carrier and even a sweeper! My father, however, gave me a position of arranging business transaction documents saying that I'd better face the real world problems and learn how to deal with them. Impressed by his trust, I tried my best at the workplace and attempted not to make any mistake. Although putting financial papers in order and create statistical graphs were so intricate, since I had never dealt with them, I found them out quite interesting and fascinating. Not only was I soon accustomed with my duty but also I could handle it easily due to my experienced math skill. By combining my strongest aptitude and everyday world economy, I discovered an intellectual interest that I never had before.
As I showed my zeal and effort toward the economics, my position heightened progressively. Unlike before when I only managed with trivial and small job, I now moved to the upper department. There, I learned about economics more specifically. Many experienced employees taught me the difference between macro and microeconomics and how they are applied to everyday world. As I noticed that a number of factors near us hugely impact on our economy, I became more intrigued in it. I remember I was stunned when I heard that even one counterfeit paper money can result in huge financial crisis!
Despite my priceless experience at my father's company, I felt not so good when I realized that my father's company was suffering from recession. Due to fund shortage, my father was pressured to fire some of his close workers. I felt powerless and morose when I saw my father's tears flow his cheek since there was nothing I could do to help him. Since then, I promised myself that I will become a world-renowned economist and save the downturn economy.
Cornell has high quality academics and reputable research program. The Department of Economics offers a combination of theoretical and analytical rigor, and concern for the "real world" problems. Nonetheless, what attracted me the most about Cornell University is that it offers a seminar that "facilitates collaboration among economists and psychologists and draws students into faculty research." Interaction and cooperation are the key factors to grasp the true nature of economics and to create the better economy. Regarding this, Cornell is my number one choice and I feel Cornell University can guide me toward my future path and thus help me revive my father's company and further out, the entire economy of the world.Don't use "had been" unless it is necessary:
My passion for economics was veiled until I was sixteen. ...
As I noticed that a number of factors near us hugely impact on our economy, I became more intrigued in it them. ---This sentence seemed to need help... but... did I fix it accurately?
Cornell has high quality academics and reputable research program. ---boring! unoriginal! Start this final paragraph with enormous cleverness, a sentence that the reader can really feel, or one that impresses or inspires.
You can get a little more specific about why you would really rather study at Cornell than somewhere else... to be a student of a particular prof, to get involved with a particular student organization, etc.
