Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4

"a passion for mechanics and strong humanitarian" what makes Stanford a good place


ishas 5 / 15  
Dec 13, 2010   #1
How does this sound? Any feedback is appreciated.

From the very beginning, I expressed deep interest for cars and remember the triumph on assembling a toy motor engine. Thus, with a passion for mechanics and a strong humanitarian aspect; I aspire to be the next Elon Musk of the globe. I plan to use innovative ideas in the automobile industry and the financial gains to help future ecological causes.

Stanford offers me this platform in many ways. In terms of academics; 112 and 113 Mechanical Engeering will help to increase my skill and complement my work experience as a trainee tremendously. A recent development of solar energy use in The Global Climate and Energy Project (GCEP) ...
andygu 6 / 14  
Dec 13, 2010   #2
From the very beginning, I expressed deep interest for cars and remember the triumph on assembling a toy motor engine. Thus, with a passion for mechanics and a strong humanitarian aspect; I aspire to be the next Elon Musk of the globe. I plan to use innovative ideas in the automobile industry and the financial gains to help future ecological causes.

This seems a little dull...add some interesting elements to it!
(like voice, funny stories ...even some embarrssed memories caused by your love of motor..)

I think you should delete the"After all, who doesn't want to go to Stanford?" because you have shown that only you are especially interested in Stanford.

It is a nice essay!
OP ishas 5 / 15  
Dec 13, 2010   #3
Hey thanks a lot for that!
I'll try and add some more interesting stuff :)
Did you graduate from Stanford?

Also, do you mind if i post corrections and ask for your opinion?

Thanks anyway :)
ftfn 4 / 13  
Dec 15, 2010   #4
From the very beginning, I expressed deep interest for cars and rememberremembered the triumph on assembling a toy motor engine. Thus, with a passion for mechanics and a strong humanitarian aspect; I aspire to be the next Elon Musk of the globe. I plan to use innovative ideas in the automobile industry and the financial gains to help future ecological causes.

Stanford offers me this platform in many ways (too arrogant) intrigues me in many ways . In terms of academics; 112 and 113 Mechanical Engeering will help to increase my skill and complement my work experience as a trainee tremendously. A recent development of solar energy use in The Global Climate and Energy Project (GCEP) on campus seems to be interesting as it hopes to provide some further insight into achieving greener futures in the automotive industry.

However, this is only one aspect of the equation. When entering the Palm Drive during my tour of Stanford, we were shown around by a student guide in her sophomore year. Watching her, she approached questions with by an enthusiasm enthusiastic, wit and even a modest sense of humor. I felt this sudden urge to be a part of a campus that harbored these types of people. Apart from the academic and extracurricular excellence, the campus life seemed so vibrant and ethnically colorful. Brought up in a multi-ethnic society, (add some details about multi-culture) this really attracted me to the university.

All in all, we share a common interest.("we" a little unclear) With one of its Sustainable Stanford goals setsetting as "reduce transportation related pollution including greenhouse gas emissions', it is the final piece of the jigsaw puzzle for my future plans. After all, who doesn't want to go to Stanford?I dream to join in Stanford!

I hope I can help you!Good Luck!
Can you offer some suggestions on my essay? Thank you
!


Home / Undergraduate / "a passion for mechanics and strong humanitarian" what makes Stanford a good place