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my passion for nursing and things i will do if i actually became one


Godizgood 3 / 18  
Nov 22, 2009   #1
provide information regarding your goals and plans for the future as it relates to the program in nursing science and the nursing profession.

Ever since i was a child, I always ...
nakulisbrown 2 / 2  
Nov 22, 2009   #2
Ever since i was a child, I always enjoyed and had so much pleasure in helping other people out in whatever difficulty they might have

The first sentence is awkward with "had so much pleasure", I think.
Try:
Ever since my childhood, I greatly enjoyed helping others out with whatever difficulties they may have.

I did not really know what to do what with this passion of mine, but as i grew older I realized that assisting people and making them feel better would be a dream come true if it became my future career. Coming from a country like Africa where so many people are faced with different kind of illnesses with no exact solution about the cure.

The 2nd sentence there needs some punctuation, I think.
Try:
I come from Africa, where many people are faced with different illnesses, but few cures.

I thought it would be a splendid idea if I helped those people and put a smile on their faces. It made sense to me that with a passion like mine, the perfect career will be to become a nurse. When i go to hospitals I sit and observe the nurses. Doing so have assured me that nursing is what i really want to do and doing what I absolutely adore for a career will be an honor. When I get my career I would go to Africa and give back. I will try to set up a clinic there to treat the less privileged. I will also travel around the world to assist the less privileged.

Maybe you could talk about what you observe in nursing, to make it more specific here. Also, the "honor" part is sort of random.

Hope this helps! :)
OP Godizgood 3 / 18  
Nov 23, 2009   #3
thanks nakuliabrown i will correct the things you pointed out
doug 4 / 23  
Nov 24, 2009   #4
Ever since my childhood, I greatly enjoyed helping others out with whatever difficulties they might have. I did not really know what to do what with this passion of mine, but as I grew older I realized that assisting people and making them feel better would be a dream come true if it became my future career. I come from Africa, where many people are faced with different illnesses that have few cures. I thought it would be a splendid idea if I helped those people and put a smile on their faces. It made sense to me that with a passion like mine the perfect career would be to become a nurse. When I go to hospitals I observe the nurses. I observe how they interact with the patients and I also admire how warm they are. Doing so has given me the confidence that nursing is really what I want to do, and doing what I absolutely love for a career will be a dream come true. When I get my career I will go to Africa and give back. I will try to set up a clinic to treat the less privileged. I will also travel around the world to assist the less fortunate

I think it would be a great idea to mention why you want to become a nurse as opposed to a doctor. Also, you might want to talk about your goals as it relates to the program in nursing science since that is also part of the prompt.

By the way, could you also edit my essay?
OP Godizgood 3 / 18  
Nov 24, 2009   #5
thanks doug appreciate it
doug 4 / 23  
Nov 26, 2009   #6
Not sure if you revised your essay, but about the prompt, I thought you answered only half of it. I didn't really see you mention anything about the program in nursing science. Maybe mention why that school's program is best for you and how you plan to take advantage of what it has to offer.


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