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"passion for science and math" - Describe the world you come from


Tobinite 1 / -  
Aug 18, 2011   #1
This is just a part of my essay. I still need a conclusion. Thanks in advance for giving this a look!

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Throughout my entire academic career, I did well in all my subjects and was an active and engaged learner; however, every science class left me with a growing appetite of curiosity. The reason behind I would reference my dad's old biology books to make sure my animal cell model had all the organelles and structures, even those not included on the checklist the teacher provided. With my passion for science surmounting that of my beloved subject, math, applying this passion only left me puzzled and unsure of the future. I needed an epiphany. I hit it with the back of the head.

While playing a pick-up game of basketball, I was knocked out of the air and flew into the pole supporting the basketball rim and backboard. Everything went black like a switch was flipped. I regained consciousness within a couple seconds; however, I suffered a grade two concussion and had a distal interphalangeal joint dislocation that violently pushed the tip of my pinky finger in. I was in distraught and grew nauseous simply looking at my disfigured finger. My loving mother arrived and rushed me to the hospital. There my mother and I were in the waiting room; my head still spinning, my finger wrapped in ice thankfully shielded from view, the minutes dragging by and each heartbeat rhythmically drumming off marking me one beat closer to the doctor and hopefully salvation. And then the nurse called my name and I felt the life flow back into me. It was the shortest time I had ever spent in the room before the doctor walked in and looked at my head, asked me a couple questions about, took a brief glance at my finger and then remarked with a smirk on his face, "How tough are you?" and spontaneously popped my finger back into place. Click. And just like that it was over.

I was always fascinated by the ways doctors could 'magically' make painful problems disappear. There was always an inclination towards medicine and helping people that I had because my father was a doctor, but I did not have a good explanation that could meaningfully present my reasons why: that is until now. A gaping laceration on my lip stitched back to new with a little bit of string. A dislocated finger? Pop! It's back in place like it never happened. How is this possible? The care and 'magic' of doctors, and the medicinal field in general itself, revealed to me that I could use the passion I have of science to help people who have an affinity to getting hurt like myself.

What confirmed my resolution to pursue medicine were my high school biology courses. My interest was piqued when I entered freshmen biology with Ms. Alaimo and was strengthened by my decision to take AP biology junior year. Over the course of the year biology grew on me and I would enjoy spending extra time reading the chapters to make sure I had complete comprehension of the subject, even going so far as to read ahead of the class or study medical magazines and read online articles pertaining to advances in medical technology or famous and anomalous cases...

Tell me what you think and don't be afraid to be brutally honest if it can help me out. Thanks
Gladys1620 2 / 6  
Aug 19, 2011   #2
maybe in your conclusion you can write about your hopes and aspirations in the future like what jobs you would like to take that's related to science and for what purpose. and how you can utalise your interest and talents...

you can also summaries your interest in science...
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Aug 29, 2011   #3
appetite of curiosity

Ooh, I like it. Get the domain name. ;-)

The reason behind get rid of the excess.
I would reference my dad's old biology books to make sure ...

While playing a pick-up game of basketball, I was knocked out of the air and flew into the pole supporting the basketball rim and backboard---Try to revise this sentence so that it still expresses the same idea but it also expresses something about the main idea of the essay which is introduced in the first paragraph.

I was always fascinated by the ways doctors could 'magically' make painful problems disappear. There was always an inclination towards medicine and helping people that I had because my father was a doctor, but I did not have a good explanation that could meaningfully present my reasons -- why that is until now.

Oh, very good stuff here. Very good writing. Make it better by doing some reading... read some recent journal articles by physicians. You can find them onnline! ind 2 that interest you, and you will have your perspective transformed. Every article you read... if you write a few sentences about it, a kind of alchemy happens in your own perspective. If you write a few sentences about one article, it transforms the way you understand everything, forever.

If it is a good article, that is.

Anyway, mention something recent you read in an article, and show that you are catching up with the stuff that people read who are already in med school.
chxz1020 5 / 14  
Sep 4, 2011   #4
I think your story is fantastic, but you didn't write how your experience shaped who you are now. You should inform the reader what you gained from the experience, otherwise I don't know what the main point of your essay. If you add what you had learnt from your experience, I think your essay will be outstanding.


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