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'passionate about the School Government' Something didn't go according to the plan

kruthimohan 5 / 15  
Dec 28, 2011   #1
Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?

"And the Head Girl for the academic year 2009-2010 is," the Headmistress announced, " Shruti Adidamu!"

The crowd broke into applause but I could not hear anything. My world came crashing down. Every cell of my body ached in pain; Pain that evolved from disappointment. Five years of devoted effort: Futile. I wasn't chosen as the Prime Minister of the School Parliament by the Board. They had other plans for me.

"The Opposition leader is S.A. Kruthi Mohan." I scoffed at the term in my head as she announced, simultaneously trying to conceal the disbelief and disappointment etched upon my face.

I was passionate about the School Government since fifth grade. I worked on attaining the ideal profile ever since, surpassing in Academics and Extracurricular activities. My teachers' remarks only added to my conviction.

But the investiture ceremony altered everything. I could either whine about not being appointed at the Prime Minister or do a spectacular job being the Opposition Leader. I chose the latter. I involved myself in every activity irrespective of it being under the Opposition or otherwise. I performed my duties punctiliously and flawlessly. During the cabinet sessions, I raised the issues causing discomfort to the student fraternity making sure that they would be resolved.

My efforts paid off. The Head of our educational society appreciated my commitment and determination . As I retrospect, I think of the situation as a blessing in disguise because it only made me work harder, as an individual and a team.

Does it answer the prompt? Please give your feedback! The deadline is just a couple of days away so please be brutally honest!

shelia1993 4 / 22  
Dec 28, 2011   #2
Your language is great. But I just feel that you may write something more special. Maybe not that great for others, but great for yourself. Make it more personal. Anyway, great essay! I bet you are a comprehensive student.

P.S. I always wanted to apply for MIT, but I am not courageous enough. Good Luck!
OP kruthimohan 5 / 15  
Dec 28, 2011   #3
I really was very committed to the idea of being the Head Girl. And that's the only thing in my entire school life that didn't go according to the plan and to be honest I was devastated.

Doesn't the essay show that I was really sincere in my attempt? :/
nodumblonde1616 1 / 4  
Dec 29, 2011   #4
I really feel dissappointed after this essay, not in you, but for you. It's clearly well written, but I need a sense of completion at the end. Tell MIT that your life wasn't ruined and in fact better without being Head Girl, even if it wasn't. If you can do that, you look like a person who can roll with the punches instead of one who gets down on herself easily.

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