I need to send this out asap, but it's 40 words above the 500 limit. Any ideas on cutting down??
Cornell College of Arts and Sciences Supplement:
Past. Future. The former haunts us with its solidity, the latter taunts us with its ambiguity. They are immortal twins of time, playing tug of war with the troubled middle child, the Present. It's constantly moving forward, yet constantly running away from us. What seems to be a nebulous future can become an adamant past in just a few moments. I used to lay for hours and hours in a state of pensiveness in my bed, trying my best to rearrange the past in my dreams. I had hesitated from opening my mouth and saying something that would later embarrass me. Michael Jackson had hired a different doctor to help him prepare for his tour. The terrorists boarding American Airlines Flight 11 and United Airlines Flight 175 just missed their flight. Each night I slumbered with the satisfaction that the past might be different when I woke up, and each day I'd awake to find it was just the same. I was so preoccupied with the past I had imagined in my head that I neglected the present, and my perception of reality was in turmoil. What I didn't want to believe had never happened, and what I wanted to happen I believed in.
Criticism is appreciated, but I really need to know how to cut it down. Thanks!
I was so preoccupied with the past I had created that I neglected the present, and my perception of reality was in turmoil. If I didn't want to believe it, it never happened, and if I wanted it to happen, I believed it.
... the terrorists boarding American Airlines Flight 11 and United Airlines Flight 175 just missed their flight. Each night I slumbered hoping the past might be different when ...
... that I neglected the present. My perception of reality was in turmoil. If I didn't want to believe it, it never happened. If I wanted it to happen, I believed it.
Then, I picked up a book called Watchmen, written by Alan Moore. At first it looked like a glorified bif-bam comic book for adults, but I found a timeless philosophy hiding under the inking of the character Dr. Manhattan. "There is no future," said the doctor, "There is no past. Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet." A revelation was heralded to me through those words: The past is unattainable. We cannot write its book, only read it and learn from it. After the fact, it is nothing but a reference point from which we paint the portrait of the future. All I have the power to do is continue moving forward and make sure the future has fewer blemishes than the past. I plan to make no mistakes. At Cornell I can have fun incubating my creativity, but also be comfortable knowing my education can help me make a difference in the world. Majors such as English, Linguistics and Government offer me the chance to accentuate my talent with words and language and wield them as instruments to unite the people of the world. If I want something, I must seize the opportunity before it passes, and the opportunities at Cornell's College of Arts and Sciences appeal most to me.
Dr. Manhattan had the power to see the future; I have the privilege to make it. What Cornell can do for me is provide me with the materials to solidify my desires: to use my way with words to become the best writer I can be. All I can hope to do is embed my writing with a spark of inspiration, like the sort I found in Watchmen. "The whole design is visible in every facet". To see this whole design- the world's design, that's what calls me to Cornell. The past is behind me, and Cornell is the future.
This is the fully revised version, down to 498 words. Any comments, because I'm about to send this out..
