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My past is what made me who I am; UW personal Statement


NK21 1 / 5  
Aug 14, 2013   #1
the colleges I am applying to either use the same requirements as the UW, or do not even require a personal statement. Also this is the nonspecific version and I will add in college specific parts later. This is my first draft, trying mostly to figure out how to conceptualize my theme and get the point across that I have not had the most appealing history to colleges but that I am capable and motivated to achieve my goals, and that my past has made my stronger where external pressures do not affect me and I know myself and what to do with no regrets. With a voice that shows I constantly set goals and go after them, living life to the fullest, mental strength etc.. Here is the criteria.

A. Academic Elements (required)

Academic History

Your Major and/or Career Goals

Cultural Understanding

Educational Challenges / Personal Hardships (if applicable)

Community, Military, or Volunteer Service (if applicable)
Describe your community, Military, or volunteer service, including leadership, awards, or increased levels of responsibility.

Experiential Learning (if applicable)

Additional Comments (optional)

Do you have a compelling academic or personal need to attend the University of Washington-Seattle at this time? Is there anything else you would like us to know?

For a while I never thought I would even be applying for college, that I would have such a strong vision and direction for who I am and am becoming, and what I am going to be doing for the rest of my life. To know with certainty for law enforcement to be my profession, and psychology to be my preferred tool. To go from passing the time to not having enough to do everything there is to experience and learn! My past is what made me who I am, allowed me to build myself up from nothing.

I can still remember the feeling of the fog I was lost in for half a decade. I lost interest in everything. My father was my role model on how to live, always seeking new experiences, making the mundane fun, and always striving for a better future A year after my parents divorce, during my seventh grade year, my father was ripped out of my life in a car crash, then the uncle I expected to be a kind of foster dad moved away after the funeral without saying goodbye to live with my other uncle and grandparents from my father's side; that blamed my mother for his death, effectively divorcing us as a family and I have not seen them since. Feeling deserted, and without his guidance I lost the will to live his way, not knowing it was the key to get me out of the fog and truly live life. At the time, I focused on what I lost, instead of what I could still gain. This was the hardest period in my life, however, unbeknownst to me, it was my crucible, which would make me strong, let me shape myself into who I wanted to be.

Ever since I was young, I knew wanted to do something good, to help people, stop the proverbial bad guy. I was even anal about having everything fair with stuff that did not even matter. It manifested itself in me as wanting to be a warrior, a hero, so I thought of becoming a soldier. Luckily it occurred to me I would not make a capable soldier until I invested in myself. I was in gym at the time and took it upon myself to become fit. This was my first step out of the fog, which started slowly, with many falters that became less frequent, and breaks that became shorter as I gained more and more momentum from achieving the realizations of what I needed to do to become who I wanted to be.

The passion to continue on my journey was motivated in large part by my swedish grandparents, my MoMo and MoFa (mother's mother, and mother's father). They showed me that true happiness was being proud and comfortable with who you are, that is a goal worth pursuing. Their whole culture, which I have experienced frequently during visits, is so unified, they respect the earth, each other, and work for the common good, all while retaining their independence, and these community values I hold in high regard, appealing to my ideal of humanity working together for mutual benefit.

As I grew up and learned more about myself and the complications of war I realized I want to be a shield and not a sword, to preserve life. Law enforcement appealed to me as it allows much more personal control, you know what the situation is, avoid the confusion of war, and most of all work to preserve all life as the direct goal. With how much I have gone through psychologically, I know how powerful it can be to understand others, and that is the ideal way to help people, avoid conflict, and predict violence. My personal experience and knowledge that psychology could be so helpful led me to the ultimate goal of becoming a crisis negotiator, and using psychology in all of my law enforcement positions. Getting a psychology degree is now my main goal, that I am very passionate and excited for.

Learning has always come easy for subjects I am intrigued by, going more in depth on my own, but slacking in subjects I did not care for, or that I did not find useful or fun. Namely, I left band even though it was fun, because I knew I would never be a musician, and refused to learn cursive as it seemed pointless to me. In my fog I barely skimmed by with classes, instead immersing myself in video games or whatever seemed fun. With my new found realization to work towards my goal I started to shape up, which was disorienting at first, and largely unsuccessful, persevering, I started to get it after high school, with my college courses. With my associates being finished, I am excited to do so much more, so much better.

When my MoFa was sick, it was very hard seeing him waste away, I was very close to him and it started to put me a little in the fog, my college faltered, and the rest of my pursuits seemed to matter little. When I visited him, he let me know how proud he was; this was exactly what I needed to clear the fog and live again, to honor him, and myself. Two months after we left, he passed away, and while it hurt, it did not destroy who I am; I did not go back into the fog, feeling the strength that nothing can ever again stop me from my life.

I know I am not the best candidate academically wise, but the person I have become, is the person that will build upon the momentum already gained, and never falter again. Through deep introspection and self-understanding I have complete confidence in who I am, anything could happen, and it will not phase me, I will always live and continue to self-actualize.

OP NK21 1 / 5  
Aug 14, 2013   #2
And please focus on the overall structure for now, I am actually a pretty good writer and can fix the run on sentances and grammatical issues later, looking for suggestions on how to make the message stronger
jkjeremy - / 380 72  
Aug 14, 2013   #3
I'm not clear on the assignment.

Are you saying that you need to write about each of the "required" sections within ONE essay?

And please focus on the overall structure for now, I am actually a pretty good writer and can fix the run on sentances and grammatical issues later, looking for suggestions on how to make the message stronger

You are correct that structure and content must be addressed first, but I see several writing problems, each pertaining to word choice or grammar.

(Grammar and punctuation are not the same things.)
OP NK21 1 / 5  
Aug 14, 2013   #4
Yes I do, everything in one essay
jkjeremy - / 380 72  
Aug 14, 2013   #5
How long does it need to be?
OP NK21 1 / 5  
Aug 14, 2013   #6
less than 1000 words at 1012 now
jkjeremy - / 380 72  
Aug 14, 2013   #7
You could have conveyed every single idea here in fewer than 800 words. That's what I mean (at least in this case) when I refer to grammar.


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