I kind of ran out of stream near the end of the essay. It's also a bit ramble-y, but hope it sounds decent.
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences. (150-400 words)
For the past 10 years of my life, I have been deeply involved with my district's 4-H Program. I have been elected into a leadership position for four years running, most recently as President of my chapter.
This program has bi-monthly meetings, with around 50-60 kids of grades 3rd-12th, where we discuss issues around the community and provide a healthy environment for experiential learning. While 4H is usually associated as an agricultural organization, the nation-wide 4-H organization actually focuses on enhancing the lives of children by working to develop their leadership, responsibility, and life skills, not simply farming. Typically, the kids will exhibit a project in the yearly county fair that the meetings have introduced them to. In the past, I have exhibited various crafts and art pieces.
As President of my chapter, the Carmel 4C's, I dedicate hours before each meeting planning the agenda, deciding the specific focus, and handling monetary and secretarial issues, along with our other leaders and sponsoring adults. In order to handle such responsibilities, I am required to be an intensely dependable person, never late and always prepared.
At each meeting, I direct the kids throughout the meeting, ensuring they stay on task, and handle any unexpected crisis that may arise. Let me tell you, it is not easy to keep thirty some 8-11 year olds entertained at such times, and it has definitively enhanced my resourcefulness.
While I am sad that this will be my last year heavily involved in 4H, and shaping the lives of many kids who I have witnessed grow year after year, the memories and skills I have gained will stay with me for the rest of my life.
- I feel that this paragraph can be omitted in favor of the next one which is more important since it tells us all about your participation in the club and its activities. This paragraph is just a filler because it talks in general instead of specific terms with regards to club activities. This paragraph is about the club, not you so it should not be included in the final version.Instead, you should present us with an overview of your activities in the club before you became president. so we can get an understanding of this particular extra curricular activity from your point of view. You can talk about the lessons you learned and other interesting tidbits that only a club insider would know about.
The rest of the essay works very well in my opinion. You were able to present the activities you are involved with in the club and also offered us an insight into your sentiments about aging out of the organization.
