Hello, I am a freshman in college and I have a paper due Tuesday. I was hoping to get some feedback to make revisions. Any help is appreciated. Thanks
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Asheesh Patel
Professor Fisher
English 1A
03 September 2011
Rough Draft
Dim lights illuminate the dark streets of Mission Viejo. A light sprinkle begins to shower the asphalt while the wind dies down on a cold winter night. Cars begin to roar down Cabot Road, hoping to reach home before the rain worsens. The perfect setting for disaster to strike on an unaware person. As the traffic light changes from red to green, a big rig driver continues his journey to finish his shipment off to Best Buy. Unaware of the road, he frantically blasts the horn but it was too late. Although there was no serious physical damage, the impact of the collision was much greater.
The accident occurred in 2006. I was a standard middle school teenager who had been protected from most of the evils of the world. One day, my soccer cleats were ruined and I told my mom I needed a new pair. So that night when I got out of practice, my mom took me to Sports Authority. While driving to the store, she casually asked questions about school and practice while driving the speed limit and paying attention to the road. When making a right turn onto El Paseo, the big rig also makes the turn the same time. The big rig slid into our lane, while our van was slightly behind. My mom begins to honk her horn but the other driver continues his lane change. The side of the big rig collides with my mom's side of the car, destroying the driver side of the car, shattering the windows, and popping the tires. From my view, I could see the side of the big rig enter our car, being only inches away from hitting my mom. Screaming in fear, she
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quickly swerved onto the side of the road to avoid anymore damage. I was safe from the whole thing being on the passenger side but I saw my mom who was crying and I knew how lucky we were that my mom was able to stop before anymore damage was inflicted.
After the accident, we knew we had to move out of the way so other cars could get through the street. Although we had two popped tires, my mom was able to restart the car and get it down the hill and in a closed shopping complex. The driver of the big rig called the police while my mom told me to call my dad to come pick us up. When the police came, Mom told me to sit in the car while they determined who's fault it was.
I sat alone in the deformed van, unaware of the significance of the event. Calling my dad and hearing him sound so stern worried me even more. I felt like the accident was my fault because I told my mom I needed new cleats. Once done talking to my dad, I looked outside to see tears rolling down my mom's face. As I started towards her, she told me to go back inside but I could leave her alone. Assuming the other driver was the reason she was crying, I demanded to stay with her. Although bitter at first, the man was honest and even tried to help console my mom. About a half an hour later, the officer decided it was my mom's fault because big rigs are allowed to use both lanes to make a turn. The big rig suffered minor damage while the left side of our van was heavily damaged.
The situation however began to get worse when my mom's phone battery died. The driver and officer had already left and we had no way to contact my dad who was still at work. It was a twenty minute walk to the closest store and we couldn't abandon the car. Hoping someone would help us, we sat on the dirt next to the car, but no one stopped. My mom was crying heavily but I didn't know how to handle the situation. Usually, I was the one getting hurt from soccer,
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basketball, or fighting my brother. I was forced into a state I was unfamiliar with. I tried to lighten the mood and get her to talk to me but my mom was in a petrified state. I never felt so alone in my life, even with my mom by my side. I tried to sleep but I couldn't get the sound of the horn or my mom's screaming out of my head.
Time gradually past, the minutes passing felt like hours. Roughly an hour later, my dad arrived. He called Triple A and my brother, who had no idea what happened. Once my dad came, he was able to get through to my mom. He was much better in calming my mom down then I was. Triple A quickly came to take the car away while we went to take my mom to the hospital for precautionary tests. While waiting for my mom's tests, I told my dad what happened, which made me feel guilty again. My mom checked out with a few scratches and no permanent damage which relieved me since we were all able to go home that night. We drove to Taco Bell, picked up some food and drove back home where we had to inform my brother about everything. After having our family dinner at midnight, everyone went to bed after a very traumatic day.
It took me a couple of weeks to finally stop thinking about the accident and the events that followed. My mom was able to go back to work the next day in a rental car and I went to school and practices. Fortunately, the van was fixed in a week and we did not have to buy a new car. For me, it was hard to forget because it was the first time in my life that I felt vulnerable, both from the pain my mom felt and from the feeling of alienation that followed. Without my dad, keeping me calm and focused, I wonder if I would have gotten past it.
I was able to hide from reality's grasp for so long but it would eventually take my innocence away. Those hours of agony helped changed me for the better. During that time I learned how to approach a difficult situation thanks to my dad. His advice to remain composed
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helps me today when I struggle to study for finals. Also, it made me appreciate with what I have and I'm thankful every day that I still have my mom with me. The image of the big rig slamming into our car and my mom being inches away from serious injury or worse still comes into my mind. However it remains a lingering reminder to never take anything for granted and brought me closer to my family. The collision destroyed the conceited being that consumed me during my youth and gave birth to human being I was meant to be.
