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"patience, tolerance, and acceptance" - contribute to the diverse community? -Rutgers


newyorkergal54 1 / 2  
Oct 12, 2010   #1
So I have to write an essay for rutgers and this is the topic and my essay.

Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences.

I come from a very multiethnic background. My mother is from the heart of Southeast Asia, Thailand and my father is from the remote country of Pakistan. Growing up with two diverse parents has kept my mind open and ignited my passion for other cultures. I have learned to appreciate and embrace aspects not just from my culture but from others. Acquiring knowledge about other cultures help diminish ignorance and promote globalization.

I was fortunate enough to travel to numerous countries because of my father's occupation in the airlines. I have visited both Thailand and Pakistan during my last summer vacation. It has been an equally memorable and educational experience. When I met my extended family I was greeted with warmth and hospitality. The people were just as kind to extend their graciousness to my family and me. The town locals were welcoming by opening up their homes with ease to near strangers.

Aside from the warmhearted people I learned about the country's deep rooted history. I had the opportunity to visit one of Thailand's monumental sites known as Old City. About 700 years ago the Old City was a bustling center of trade and culture. Although parts of the Old City have been restored visitors like myself get a tantalizing glimpse into its exotic past. The primary attraction were the numerous Buddhist temples. Buddhism had a great influence upon the people and even in the architectural designs. The Thai culture also possesses many remnants of Buddhist elements that is still present in society today.

To the south of Thailand lays thirteen confederate states and three federal territories called Malaysia. When I first stepped out of the airport I was engulfed by lush green plants and sky grazing palm trees. Within this green oasis was a dominant Islamic influence ranging from the mosques to the daily calls to prayer. The Islamic monarchy consented to individuals with varying faiths, allowing all to live together peacefully. Living in a nation that practices freedom of religion, I was able to relate to the Malays wholeheartedly.

My knowledge of Thai and Pakistani culture could greatly add to the already vibrant community at Rutgers University. I believe that my knowledge can be used as another form of resource to educate my future peers. My passion for other cultures, languages, cuisines and religions can be fostered at Rutgers. Not only will Rutgers provide me with a higher education but a broader insight to the cultures of the world. I intend to be a productive member or society who displays characteristics of patience, tolerance, and acceptance towards other cultures.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 15, 2010   #2
Great first sentence.

When you say aspects, you have to say "aspects of (something)"

Many aspects factors affect who we are, from languages, to traditions,to clothing. In my life, my heritage has shaped the person I am today. I come from a very sundry background. My mother is from the heart of Southeast Asia, Thailand, and my father

I really like a lot of your writing about the countries with which you are familiar...

Not only will Rutgers provide me with a higher education but also a broader insight to the cultures of the world. I intend to be a productive member or society who displays characteristics of patience, tolerance, and acceptance towards other cultures. ---- This is nicely written but I want to know more about your specific aspirations. Your aspirations are where your enthusiasm comes from, and enthusiasm is the best thing to contribute at Rutgers or any school.
OP newyorkergal54 1 / 2  
Oct 19, 2010   #3
I revised my essay and here is what I came up with :

This essay is more effective in conveying the topic
Thanks everyone for the help.


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