Hey! I just wanted to ask for some feedback on this essay. I am usually not a nervous writer, but this is really important to me and I want to get it right. I want to convey a sense of professionalism as well as a personal connection. Any help would be greatly appreciated!
The prompt:
Your reasons for wanting to serve as a Peace Corps Volunteer; and
How these reasons are related to your past experiences and life goals.
How you expect to satisfy the Peace Corps 10 Core Expectations (please be specific about which expectations you expect to find most challenging and how you plan to overcome these challenges).
For most of my life, I have lived a fairly comfortable existence. I have a close family who loves me, a wonderful home and a strong support system for any endeavor I choose to pursue. I have had so much provided for me: love, education, a home and anything else I ever needed or wanted. I want to join the Peace Corps because I feel this is an opportunity to give something back. As an education major, I have always wanted to teach and to impact the world in a positive way. I truly feel that the Peace Corps is a way for me to give someone else opportunities they wouldn't have otherwise had.
In addition to wanting to help others, I know this will be a great opportunity for me as well. The chance to fully immerse myself in another culture will be nothing if not educational! I have always had a strong urge to travel and this is one way to fulfill my desire. While many college graduates choose to backpack through Europe to satisfy this nomadic instinct, I know I want more. The idea of settling into a foreign land for two years and actually having an impact will be an accomplishment I can carry with me the rest of my life. Through much of my volunteer work, I have focused on eradicating prejudice. However, I haven't really been able to experience those cultures I have grown to cherish and respect first-hand. By participating in the Peace Corps, I will be able to develop my understanding and respect of other cultures because I will have been there. Nothing can compare to the visceral, living, breathing examples of the traditions and practices of the world's cultures, than actually experiencing them.
In high school, I participated in many diversity clubs and organizations, such as the Anti-Defamation League, which encouraged acceptance of others and promoted an attitude of awareness for different lifestyles. Peace Corps is the embodiment of the lessons I learned in those brief four years. It is a way for me to put into practical terms lessons I only could talk about before. One of the causes we tried to educate people about is the war going on in Darfur. We facilitated a 'Walk for Darfur' during which people pledged money to raise awareness for the atrocities occurring in the African province. It was one of the most touching nights of my life, to see my teachers, peers and friends walking with the Lost Boys from Sudan around our small, high school track. As a result of involving myself in those clubs, I often served as an ambassador for new students entering my high school. I had the pleasure of touring students from Germany, Japan, Sweden, and South Korea, introducing them to my peers and the new halls they would come to love. These encounters with other cultures have served to deepen my affection for learning and creating new understanding about who we are and where we come from.
The Core Expectations are all demanding, but nothing I can't handle. The most difficult of all the expectations is knowing I will be away from my family for 27 months. However, they all support me and recognize how important this is. I also find comfort in the knowledge that I will be gaining a new family. I will be planting roots and connecting to a different community and this knowledge sets my heart at ease. I know that the change in culture will be a challenge, but I know I will be successful. One personality trait that has carried me through good times and the bad is my sense of humor. Cheesy as it sounds; laughter is the same in any language. I know I will be able to look at my circumstances and see the positive and not get caught up in how different everything is. I am excited to learn about a new culture and educate my American peers about their values and traditions. I know as a teacher, when I return I will be able to fulfill this calling in my own classroom. I truly believe I would make an excellent Peace Corps volunteer. I appreciate your consideration and hope I can take one step further to a wider global perspective.
Thank you,
Brittany
This part is weak:
In addition to wanting to help others, I know this will be a great opportunity for me as well .
I would change it like this:
In addition to wanting to help others, I know this will be a great opportunity for me to immerse myself in another culture and ____________________. (something specific).
Use a comma to separate the 2 halves of a compound sentence:
I have always had a strong urge to travel, and this is one way to fulfill my desire.
Peace Corps is the embodiment of the lessons I learned in--- no, embodiment is something a little different. You might be needing the word... um... ah! I am not sure...
The Peace Corps is the manifestation of ideals similar to the ones I learned in...
:-)
