Okay, I have read over and edit this essay so many times. I want to have fresh eyes look at it and see if your able catch minor or major errors I might have missed. Please and thank you ahead of time.
Essay Statement: ...please provide a few paragraphs explaining your reasons for wanting to serve as a Peace Corps Volunteer and how you plan to overcome the various challenges associated with Peace Corps service.
As a young girl, I grow up in a country that dealt and still is dealing with war and poverty. Although, I was fortunate enough to be given the opportunity to move to a country where I was able to feel secure and pursue my education. My past experiences kept me mindful of my roots and purpose in this world. Since I know how it was to receive help, this will be an excellent opportunity to show my appreciation and gratitude to those who gave a helping hand when it was needed. That realization led me to make a promise to myself to study hard in hopes one day I would go back and help rebuild our global communities. I know this could only be possible by studying in a field such as Health Science during my undergrads and later pursuing my graduate studies in Public Health with concentration Global Health in Community Health. With the knowledge I receive from the university and internship opportunities, I will be able to use my training by being a resource to those who are unaware that even the most minor illness could become very deadly to their health. As a health advocate, I would be able to provide them the necessity to live a healthy lifestyle, and teach them ways to prevent and manage those common everyday illnesses in their own homes and workplaces. I believe that although we have many health educators in third world countries, there can never be enough.
As a Peace Corps Volunteer, I am well aware that it will not be an easy journey. I know there will be some challenges I would face head on emotionally, mentally and physically. There will be times when I will miss my family and friends, but no matter the obstacles, I will continue to stay strong. I remember as a freshman in college how challenging and difficult it was making the transition from high school to college. I admit there were days when I would go to bed crying because I felt so overwhelmed by all the changes and began to feel homesick. I had to accept the fact that those days of my teachers and parents holding your hands were over, now I must learn to hold my own hands in order to succeed. To make sure I would not acquire bad study patterns I took the necessary steps to meet with my consular to learn better ways to be on top of deadlines, exams, and projects because college was about growing up as an individual and becoming responsible. Over time, I was able to manage my time wisely while making time for both fun and work. I learned by holding myself responsible for my academics, I became more self-discipline. The struggles I was able to overcome help to mold and shape me for who I am today. It showed me that the key to success is determination, and never giving up.
Although, I was fortunate enough to be given the opportunity to move to a country where I was able to feel secure and pursue my education. My past experiences kept me mindful of my roots and purpose in this world. Since I know how it was to receive help, this will be an excellent opportunity to show my appreciation and gratitude to those who gave a helping hand when it was needed.
you could rephrase this thus " I considered myself privileged for the opportunity to move and reside in a country that offered my security and access to quality education.I knew how it felt to be on the receiving end of help during the darkest hours, and intend to pay it forward by showing my appreciation and heartfelt gratitude to those who lent a helping hand when it was needed."
Also, this sentence- I took the necessary steps to meet with myconsular to learn better ways to be on top of deadlines,
please correct it to academic/guidance counselor.
Consular has a different meaning, it is used to describe government offices for immigration and visa services. Example - the British Consular office issued me with a notice to appear immediately for an interview.
Over time, I was able to manage my time wisely while making time for both fun and work. I learned by holding myself responsible for my academics, I became more self-discipline. The struggles I was able to overcome help to mold and shape me for who I am today. It showed me that the key to success is determination, and never giving up.
here's a suggestion to word this better- I learnt to shoulder responsibilities in all spheres of my student life, thus becoming independent, self reliant and disciplined, with attention to detail. The struggles I overcame helped me to mold and shape my ideals, paving way for what I stand for, today.My life experiences demonstrated that the key to success were three D's- Deliberation,Determination,Discipline.".
Do review your essay once more before sending it and of course, check tenses, grammar and spellings.
Good luck
