"You run for fun?" The number of times that I've been asked this question throughout the last 6 years of my life is mad. "Running isn't even a sport." The number of times that I've heard this statement just makes me mad. Running is probably the simplest action: a continuous right, left, right, along with a constant involuntary breathing pattern. Simple. Even then, training to perfect that right, left, right and that continual breathing for lengths farther than the distance it takes for the Earth's surface to curve out of sight is a trial not for the faint of heart, and that's what makes it so great.
Running does so much more than just release sweat. It releases stress, and I've learned to use it to do so. As I stride across courses all while my body adjusts itself to the challenges of uneven terrains and steep inclines, my mind is set free to drift and to sift through whatever needs sorting or disposing, all which includes the struggles of being a teen, upcoming tasks as a student, some nagging stress. Running has taught me and made me out to be more disciplined. I have had to learn how to cope with being a full time student maintaining strong grades and participating in various after school activities all while being devoted to the lifestyle of a runner. This has been exceptionally difficult, especially when considering the struggles of being an upcoming 1st generation college student whose parents barely got past the 6th grade in a developing Latin American country. Despite their ignorance for what a High School education life is like, I am forever grateful for the efforts and sacrifices my parents have made by immigrating to this country at the ages of 15 and 18 all while expecting a child along their treacherous journey, and allowing me to have the opportunity for a better future.
When I'm put to a task I am persistent and put both hard work and effort into what I do, this is true in all aspects of my life. I'm diligent and passionate about the work I do, and this passion has helped me find a potential for myself which I didn't know I previously had. Over the years that I have ran, I have developed an extremely warped mindset on the nature of what genuine strength entails. I have experienced pain beyond my comprehension, and yet saw no reason for why surrendering to it was acceptable. I have faced that intolerable urge to quit, and the blissful sensation of overcoming it. My love for running has motivated me throughout my high school life, it has given me a drive to excel and taught me to remain perseverant despite how impossible a task may seem. This is what defines me, what would make me a successful Gator and why I run for fun.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Hey Joseph, I don't believe that you actually presented a quality or character that properly addresses the prompt. I am not sure how running can help you contribute to the UF community, which is the purpose of this essay. The reviewer would prefer to read something about your abilities in terms of your social or civic interests. How do you plan to contribute to the betterment of the student community or academic campus? Your response could range anywhere from simply helping out at the student center or creating a study group for a specific set of students. In such instances, the character trait that you will present will be your helpfulness and ability to work with people for the betterment of UF.
Right now, your essay is more of a background story or open topic essay. It isn't offering your character based upon working with others or your ideas for making UF an even more inclusive university in terms of their social and academic programs. Talk about something that other people notice about you but you don't really notice about yourself. Explain how that is a character of yours that can help you contribute to UF. the possible responses to this prompt are endless. It is all based upon how you perceive yourself in terms of being a team player on campus.
@Holt
Hi Holt, thanks so much for the suggestions! I see exactly what you mean and see where you are coming from, however, I feel as if I did answer the prompt through the context but that may just simply be because I myself wrote it. What I hoped readers would get out of this essay was that I am capable of finding appreciation in even the simplest of tasks, I enjoy challenges and am not afraid to get out of my comfort zone. I'm resourceful and capable of dealing with my problems in a mature manner rather than get fully frustrated about it. I'm disciplined, great at managing time, appreciative and strive to make the best of the hand i'm dealt. I'm persistent, diligent and love learning about myself through my passions. I don't give up, no matter the circumstance i'm put in and have a positive mindset in all tough situations. (: I tried running down a list of attributes and characteristics that I possess that a college/university would expect from a strong student/applicant all while using my experience with running as a channel to do so. I understand I fell short in efficiently describing how I'd be a team player and possibly explaining how this all can help me contribute to UF.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 4783 Hi Joseph. Thanks for understanding what I was trying to tell you. I know that there are times when you want to develop a unique sounding essay so you try to write it using a more literary style. The problem with that style of writing, is that one tends to get too involved in his own thoughts. Thus making the information relayed too difficult to decipher for the reviewer. Now, I am not saying that you should shy away from literary type essays in your applications. What I am saying is that you should save it for those prompts that are more open topic in approach. In instances where specifics are demanded, be as straightforward as possible because the reviewer doesn't have the time to go into analytical mode just to figure out what you are trying to tell him in relation to the prompt. I'm looking forward reading your revised essay soon.
