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Peer pressure - just finished my first UC essay. Have some questions about topic.


xtag 1 / 1  
Nov 23, 2010   #1
my first paragraph is an experience where i first meet my friends in high school and i dont give in to peer pressure. Is this a good topic to start the essay? I end it by saying: "Is this where my life was gravitating towards? Is this what I wanted to be?" I think the intro grabs the reader and isn't like most essays (about immigrating to the u.s. or about struggling with family issues).

Wondering if I could get some input on this, and im willing to send the essay to whoever is willing to edit it.

TheFreeMason11 6 / 54  
Nov 24, 2010   #2
The topic is up to you. It's good that you are trying to think creatively, just make sure that you are able to write about your topic comfortably. Also, the ending you have is fine, but it's hard to know for sure unless I can read the rest of the essay. Why not post it on here?
OP xtag 1 / 1  
Nov 24, 2010   #3
posting my essay freely on a website? sorry man, I can email it to you if you are willing to seriously edit it.
TheFreeMason11 6 / 54  
Nov 25, 2010   #4
I posted an essay on here. This site is only here to help other students find some critique, and it's not like you're making money from your admissions essays.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Dec 5, 2010   #5
It sounds like a very common topic...not giving in to peer pressure.

I do not like "Is this where my life was gravitating towards," because I think "where" should be replaced with a noun (i.e. Is this the destination toward which my life is gravitating?) I would change it from was to is, because presumably you are wondering this to yourself in the present moment.

And ... Is this what I want to be?

But maybe that is bad advice. It depends on the rest of the essay. I hope you have good luck with it!! Make sure it is something more than just not giving in to peer pressure. It will be great if the reason you do not give in is because of the goal you have, the big goal you want to pursue in college.

:-)


Home / Undergraduate / Peer pressure - just finished my first UC essay. Have some questions about topic.