Prompt #2:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
One day in tenth grade English class, a classmate asked me if I had a pen that he could borrow. I handed over my pen to him without saying anything. And I realized I had been duped: he had not really needed my pen, and was only looking for an occasion to provoke me. He had been making fun of me for a long time. Every time he had done this to me, I was frozen and couldn't find anything to say in response.
I had such a hard time responding to this classmate because I was in a new country; I couldn't find the right words to say because I was not comfortable with the language yet. I had been censured the teacher in front of the class because I did not quite understand her and had made a mistake. I was too ashamed to look at my classmates. I felt that I did not belong here at all. Back at the Catholic school I had attended in Korea, I had been president of the ministry club, which was an influential student organization. I managed all the religious programs and events. I had great influence and confidence as a president. As a person who leads others and takes responsibility, I always took pride in my position. But since I had moved to United States and started school, dreadful experiences with both classmates and teachers made me diffident person. I was crestfallen because of those troubles, and it deterred me from being the active person I had been and still wanted to be.
Eventually, though, I mustered the courage to join the Asian Pacific Club. One day, club members gathered to plan for the club carnival. But we were not quite prepared. As I watched the members of my club bicker about collision of ideas, I felt the need to speak up. Yet equally strong were the memories of my classmates making fun of me, of my inability to make myself understood. But I weighed the possibility of being embarrassed personally against the possibility of my entire club being humiliated in public, and I decided to take action.
I suggested some other ideas and we finally found the solution from one of my suggestions. We decided to make special foods to sell. It was quite simple but also the considerable idea. I showed them working actively and they started follow my lead. I took responsibility for finishing up till late, and we could get great advantages from carnival. "Sam, you are our hero!" "You saved our club!" All members seemed to glad we were success. It allayed my cowardice of people in new country, and it also furthered my willingness to take participate progressively.
is there any problems in here?
I need your help//
please give me some advice
Thank you
Hi Sam, you write beautifully now. You must have learned English well. I have only a few suggestions for change (see below). Maybe, at the end of the essay, you can add one more sentence about the kid that took your pencil! Cool essay.
Kevin
...I couldn't find the right words to say because I was not comfortable with the language yet. I did not always communicate well with the teacher, either, because I did not always understand her. I was too ashamed to look at my classmates.
One day, club members gathered to plan for the club carnival. However , we were not quite prepared.
Nevertheless , I weighed the possibility of being embarrassed personally against the possibility of my entire club being humiliated in public, and I decided to take action.
I suggested some other ideas and we finally found the solution from one of my suggestions. We decided to make special foods to sell. It was quite simple but also the considerable idea. I showed them working actively and they started follow my lead. I took responsibility for finishing up till late, and we could get great advantages from carnival. "Sam, you are our hero!" "You saved our club!" All members seemed to glad we were success. It allayed my cowardice of people in new country, and it also furthered my willingness to take participate progressively.
