I am a pendulum, swinging back and forth from one extreme to the other, but slowly coming to a moderate stop. However, it is not the laws of physics that govern my oscillations but time, maturity, knowledge, and experience.
Sliding to the left, twirling, legs and arms moving coherently to the beat of clapping hands, laughter, and passing cars... I was unstoppable. I leaped into the air, landed, and slid on my knees for the grand finale! As the claps get louder and the crowd of people close into me, I realize at the age of five that I am born to dance. Give me a stage, and I will dance on it. Give me a song, and I'll dance to it. Give me nothing, and I will still dance. However, the pendulum shifted to the opposite end when I moved to the Americas, turning my confidence into insecurties. I became an immigrant, and labelled as different. I talk differently, I act differently, and I think differently. With this realization, I built a wall between who I really was and who I portrayed myself as. I became a quiet and almost invisible to the public - no longer found on the stages.
Everything is dark and silent as I try to gain balance and avoid falling into the bottomless abyss. I look into the distance and see a blurry figure in a white scrub running towards me with a sharp point ready to pierce through my skin. Yes, you've guessed it. I'm afraid of everything - darkness, height, needles..etc. I sleep with a night light, hate going on highways, refuse to get shots, and run away from bugs that are one thousandth my size. Gradually, with time and maturity, the pendulum was able to swing again. Except my fears didnt suddenly vanish but instead my courage suddenly grew. I am a person who managed to avoid shots for ten years. Yet, when I was told that a simple needle could save three lives, I willingly signed up to donate my blood. It was no heroic scene where I marched into the room smiling with eagerness, but more like my legs shaking as tears slowly dripping down my face. Nevertheless, I was victorious and saved three lives. My sudden burst of courage and boldness didnt stop there. Before I knew it, I was climbing up a twenty feet rock with no way down other than to jump. As much as I wanted to run across the rock, leap into the air, do a backflip and land on the water with a big splash, the shaky legs and the tears down my face returned. Then I suddenly stood up, pinched my nose, closed my eyes, and jumped - the pendulum had reached its maximum height.
The million hugs, the goodnight kisses, and the constant repetition of the words "I love you" to my parents are slowly becoming memories. As the baby of the family, I have always been responsible for brightening up the mood with my charm. Whether it was the crazy dancing and singing or the simple cloying I always found a way to bring laughter to our family. As high school came along, stress coupled with the desire to be treated like an adult transformed my charm into ignorance and distance - the pendulum had shifted once again.
Now that the pendulum is slowly reaching equilibrium, I am getting closer and closer to moderation. I no longer hide from the world, but try to bring back my lost luminescence and confidence. I no longer let fear dictate my life, but choose to take risks and conquer my fears one by one. Most importantly, I no longer sway away from being a daughter to my parents. My parents sacrificed their lives to bring me to America, and the best I can do is to be a daughter to them and brighten up their exhausted days. I'm satisfied with the moderation that I have reached and the person that I have become. Nevertheless, I'm ready for college to give me one last push and one last ride on the pendulum to another swing, another change, and another challenge.
It's my first time using essay forum...
But please help me. i feel like it might not flow well in some places
thankss!
