penn essay (For Freshman Applicants only)

any help (from editing grammar to content errors) anyone can offer would be greatly appreciated and ill try to help you with any of your questions

4a. For Freshman Applicants only: Describe the courses of study and the unique characteristics of the University of Pennsylvania that most interest you. Why do these interests make you a good match for Penn? (7900 characters max)---is 5278 enough??

When I first met my "Uncle" Norm (my dad's best friend) I knew I had met someone to be admired. He was extremely self confident and sharp. In just talking to him I felt like I was learning more and more every minute. I was even more surprised when my dad talked about how much he had changed since high school. When I asked him what caused the change, he told me it was his experience at the University of Pennsylvania. Ever since then I have had an intense desire to attend the school.

Philadelphia is my favorite city and I would love to be able to go to college in the city. The diversity, history, and passion of the citizens are what makes Philadelphia and the University of Pennsylvania unique and are the reasons I love the city and can not wait to attend the college. I live in a city that does not have a lot of diversity so I can not wait to be somewhere that has a mix of people with their distinctive cultures. I want to be able to discover what makes people the way they are and learn about their pasts. Learning about different cultures fascinates me and I will be able to do that the best at Penn. The city and the college also have a great history that I would love to be a part of. The city that is home to the liberty bell has the most distinguished history of any city in the United States and that is enthralling. Penn has the same history after being founded by someone I look up to, Benjamin Franklin. Being able to attend the school that was founded by, in my opinion, one of the greatest Americans ever would be an honor. I have attended Phillies and Eagles fans and have witnessed first hand the passion of the citizens of Philadelphia. They feel stronger about their team than any other fan for any other team. It's amazing how they apply this passion to every facet of their lives. The students I have met from Penn have that same passion and I wish that I can learn to feel as strongly about everything in my life. Philadelphia is the greatest city in the entire world and the University of Pennsylvania incorporates all of its best qualities.

The University of Pennsylvania is a very prestigious school and there are a plethora of great minds that I would be thrilled to learn from. Being part of the Ivy League shows the level of the teachers and the students at the university. I would love to be a part of some research that makes a difference and there is plenty of that going on. With some of the finest minds in the world leading these projects, I can trust that there will some ground breaking research accomplished while I am there. I can only hope to partake in some of it and work more closely with someone who has a Ph. D. I believe that the most efficient learning comes from studying under brilliant minds and that is exactly what I could participate in at Penn. I would not have to waste time trying to decrypt what I had heard in class and could use my time more efficiently. I could be able to grasp each subject more thoroughly and have a better in depth understanding with the teachings of some of the United States' best teachers. Going to class becomes enjoyable when the teacher truly comprehends their subject and can communicate that comprehension clearly. When this happens, classes and school in general becomes entertaining and I can not wait to go to class. The best learning comes when class becomes fun and I show up early instead of having to drag myself to class. With the amount of teachers with Ph. D's and some of the most gifted teachers out there, I believe this will happen at the University of Pennsylvania.

The key way that my love for Philadelphia will be combined with my learning experience at the University of Pennsylvania is through their excellent job outreach program and abundance of internships. Philadelphia seems like the perfect place for me to start my life and to have my first job. A degree from Penn will grant me endless opportunities and set me up for success in life. After studying under the professors and completing a vigorous schedule I will be able for any job prospect that I am lucky enough to come by. Philadelphia is a thriving metropolis with an abundance of new job openings and due to Penn's good relationship with these companies I would be able to step right into the job of my dreams.

My dream would come true if I was able to attend the University of Pennsylvania. Expanding my mind under the brilliant professors at Penn would be something that would change my life forever. Being able to study and graduate from an Ivy League school would have a momentous effect on me. Penn is better than the other Ivy League schools because it was the first university in the United States and it was founded by an innovator with a brilliant mind, Benjamin Franklin. Franklin also did the right thing by founding his school in the greatest American city. The spirit of Philadelphia will guide my learning experience and provide much for me to do in and out of the classroom. I would be glad to be able to work in the same city that I graduated from and Philadelphia offers me that chance. This newly converted Eagles and Phillies fan would have the time of his life joining in the passion of the city and everyone at the University of Pennsylvania.

I have a few comments.

How was your Uncle in high school and how did UPenn change him? Go more in depth, it sounds interesting.

Another comment I have is that you may not want to make the city one of your main reasons for wanting to go to Penn. I'm saying this because when I went to visit Boston U, they told you not to write about the city because A) they want you to come for their school not the city and B) If you want to live in that city so bad you could just go to any other school in the area (Drexel University is right next door to Penn). Why is Penn so special? But its just a thought.

You should also mention what you want to study. Do you like business? science? art? literature? I understand if you are undecided but you should still make something up.

Hope this is helpful

When I first met my "Uncle" Norm (my dad's best friend) I knew I had met someone who was to be admired.

Philadelphia is my favorite city and I would love to be able to go to college there .

The diversity, history, and passion of the citizens are what makes Philadelphia and the University of Pennsylvania unique and are the reasons I love the city and can not wait to attend the college.

the sentence above needs tightening up a little, maybe break it into 2 sentences?

I have attended Phillies and Eagles games and have witnessed first hand the passion of the citizens of Philadelphia.

My dream will come true if I am able to attend the University of Pennsylvania.

excellent advice from CBoromisa

Good luck!!

:)