Hi everyone! I'm applying to the Wharton School of Penn on ED so the dead line is Nov. 1st. I am not a great writer and was drained of ideas. So I would really appreciate any critics, comment or ideas that can help me improve it. Many thanks!
How will you explore your intellectual and academic interests at the University of Pennsylvania? Please answer this question given the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying. (400-650 words)
Ever since the first time I walked through Huntsman Hall in 2013, joining the Wharton School of University of Pennsylvania had become one of my ultimate life goals. Penn offers the next stage of an intellectual journey that has been driven me throughout my school years. Before attending Saint Patrick High School in Chicago, Illinois, I was lucky enough to go to Beijing Xinjinghua Experimental School, a certified Cambridge examination center, which adopted advanced enquirer-based learning methods and the IGCSE program that offers a broad and flexible range of subjects. I was able to explore in areas of study I am truly interested in. My time there gave me an excellent foundation in business-related subjects and I equipped myself with . I believe independent study and active learning are at the heart of what it means to be a student at Saint Patrick High School. The elements of my courses at Saint Patrick, which I enjoy the most, always involve the investigation of complex problems where I have to apply many research techniques and look for solutions. One aspect of my intellectual interest at Wharton will be to utilize these investigative skills in my chosen areas of study, Accounting and Finance and dedicate to further exploration.
My interests on these two subjects were developed after I get to experience the practical aspects of business from my father, who was an entrepreneur and operated his own business. I really want to get to the bottom of how professional financial management skills can be applied when running a business or enterprise. I am passionate about exploring every aspect of the skills of accountancy. I have an intrinsic reason for this because I enjoy the skillful manipulation of numbers using mathematical skills. Since I am currently taking accounting at Saint Patrick, I am already familiar with the most basic elements of accountancy such as bookkeeping and journalizing, and I cannot wait to step into the next level of accountancy learning. The concept of financial investment has always been a mysterious and attractive area of study for me. I would very much like to explore deeply into the science of money management at Wharton and better prepare me for my future career.
Furthermore, I view university life as one precious opportunity for me to develop a wider field of intellectual interests. I believe that the University of Pennsylvania is an inspirational place for me to pursue other areas where my curiosity takes me. I aim to join a number of clubs and honor societies to meet like-minded people and challenge my own thinking. I have great interests in foreign languages and history, and I will participate in activities related to these subjects, exchange different ideas and broaden my knowledge base. In this way, I hope not just that I can learn from the academic ethos of Penn but also that I can contribute to its intellectual life.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Hi Jason. Listen, your essay is great as a backgrounder, but not as an intellectual development essay. The information that you presented, the academic background that you discussed was very detailed and offered an idea as to your academic abilities. That is nice to know, but isn't the focus of the essay. The focus, should be on your future intellectual development in relation to your studies at Wharton or UPenn.
Here is what I suggest that you do in order to better align your essay to the prompt, go back to the university website and do research. Or look at the similar topic essays posted at this forum for your reference. You have to find the academic offerings that the university offers which excites you. For example, maybe there is a study group or internship program that offers a better learning opportunity outside of the formal classroom.
Try to find at least 2 programs the university offers, which is related to your major, that can highlight how the university can help you pursue this and other academic interests. You don't have to limit yourself to just your chosen major. You can choose any activity that will stimulate your intellectual interests. So we are talking both academic and extra-curricular activities. It doesn't matter if they seem unrelated, what matters is that the university offers it and entices you to pursue your current and other academic and intellectual interests.
