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Penn supplement -- (Wharton should be a good fit for me)


nemrac 5 / 2  
Dec 19, 2008   #1
Describe the courses of study and the unique characteristics of the University of Pennsylvania that most interest you. Why do these interests make you a good match for Penn?

The Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania offers a wide range of academic disciplines, some of which appeal to me more than others. What attracted me most to the school was the prestige and recognition associated with being a Wharton alumnus. I believe that Wharton can open the appropriate doors for me as I step out into the business world with the knowledge that I am armed with.

I first heard about Wharton as being the best undergraduate business school in the United States, even in the whole world. I wanted to enter the school for the career opportunities it presented me with, and also for the bragging rights that came along with "I studied in the best business school in the world, beat that!" After some research, I realised that what attracted me to Wharton was not merely its excellent academics programme and established professors, but also the campus life and what I could learn outside the classroom about myself that prompted me to write this application.

Wharton is a world-renowned research university with research facilities that are unparalleled anywhere else. As a student, I have always been interested in research since my junior high years. Being part of the Raffles Integrated Programme, I have always considered research part and parcel of our school life. Therefore, I have come to discover the joy and satisfaction that research brings. Research allows me to step into uncharted territories, make bold theses that may be disproven. At the end of it all, research allows me to look at hard facts and make objective conclusions based on them, not simply on what I feel is right.

Above all, I feel that the most valuable lesson one can take out of research is the skills gained from it. It is not about coming up with the best theses, or the largest quantity of evidence or the best conclusions, but rather the determination in collecting the evidence, the skills to sift out relevant pieces from large masses of information that will help us as we embark on our respective careers. Having done some small research projects in the past, I think that some of the skills are already instilled in me, albeit still rough and unpolished. I feel that my experience doing research in Wharton under veteran professors will hone these skills and fine-tune them, just like how a diamond comes out smooth and gleaming after going through the hands of workmen. In this case, the Wharton professors are the skilled workmen, and we the students, are the rough and unpolished diamonds.

The old adage of teaching a man how to fish rather than giving him the fish is probably most apt to describe what I hope to take away from my learning experience at Wharton. In the financial world where major fluctuations can happen within seconds, I know that nothing is certain. The only thing that I am confident about and equipped with will perhaps be the skills that I possess. I am confident that Wharton is the institution that can reinforce these skills in me.

Furthermore, with the opportunities that Wharton gives its students for overseas experiential learning, what can be learnt outside the classroom is bountiful.

Philadelphia, being the fourth most populous urban area in the United States, has a distinct and vibrant culture. Other than pursuing my academic interests, the various extra-curricular activities also interest me. Philly, one of the few cities with all four major sports; seems like a good fit for someone like me who is so actively involved in sports.

Of course, it is not only true that Wharton will be a good fit for me, but also that I will be a good fit for Wharton. I believe that my visions and ideals are aligned with that of the school. Wharton prides itself on its history of innovation, I too believe in the importance of creativity and thinking out of the box. Besides that, I believe that the various leadership appointments that I have had would help me greatly at Wharton, where I can apply my knowledge to academics and to the various research projects that require teamwork and a leader to stand out from the rest.

The Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania offers a wide range of academic disciplines, some of which appeal to me more than others. What attracted me most to the school was the prestige and recognition associated with being a Wharton alumnus. I believe that Wharton can open the appropriate doors for me as I step out into the business world with the knowledge that I am armed with.

I first heard about Wharton as being the best undergraduate business school in the United States, even in the whole world. I wanted to enter the school for the career opportunities it presented me with, and also for the bragging rights that came along with "I studied in the best business school in the world, beat that!" After some research, I realised that what attracted me to Wharton was not merely its excellent academics programme and established professors, but also the campus life and what I could learn outside the classroom about myself that prompted me to write this application.

Wharton is a world-renowned research university with research facilities that are unparalleled anywhere else. As a student, I have always been interested in research since my junior high years. Being part of the Raffles Integrated Programme, I have always considered research part and parcel of our school life. Therefore, I have come to discover the joy and satisfaction that research brings. Research allows me to step into uncharted territories, make bold theses that may be disproven. At the end of it all, research allows me to look at hard facts and make objective conclusions based on them, not simply on what I feel is right.

Above all, I feel that the most valuable lesson one can take out of research is the skills gained from it. It is not about coming up with the best theses, or the largest quantity of evidence or the best conclusions, but rather the determination in collecting the evidence, the skills to sift out relevant pieces from large masses of information that will help us as we embark on our respective careers. Having done some small research projects in the past, I think that some of the skills are already instilled in me, albeit still rough and unpolished. I feel that my experience doing research in Wharton under veteran professors will hone these skills and fine-tune them, just like how a diamond comes out smooth and gleaming after going through the hands of workmen. In this case, the Wharton professors are the skilled workmen, and we the students, are the rough and unpolished diamonds.

The old adage of teaching a man how to fish rather than giving him the fish is probably most apt to describe what I hope to take away from my learning experience at Wharton. In the financial world where major fluctuations can happen within seconds, I know that nothing is certain. The only thing that I am confident about and equipped with will perhaps be the skills that I possess. I am confident that Wharton is the institution that can reinforce these skills in me.

Furthermore, with the opportunities that Wharton gives its students for overseas experiential learning, what can be learnt outside the classroom is bountiful.

Philadelphia, being the fourth most populous urban area in the United States, has a distinct and vibrant culture. Other than pursuing my academic interests, the various extra-curricular activities also interest me. Philly, one of the few cities with all four major sports; seems like a good fit for someone like me who is so actively involved in sports.

Of course, it is not only true that Wharton will be a good fit for me, but also that I will be a good fit for Wharton. I believe that my visions and ideals are aligned with that of the school. Wharton prides itself on its history of innovation, I too believe in the importance of creativity and thinking out of the box. Besides that, I believe that the various leadership appointments that I have had would help me greatly at Wharton, where I can apply my knowledge to academics and to the various research projects that require teamwork and a leader to stand out from the rest.

Armed with a degree from Wharton, I believe the future holds no boundaries. I will not be limited by my lack of skills nor knowledge as I know that these will be plentiful. I believe I can uphold and embody the traditions that Wharton holds dear, and follow in the footsteps of various prominent Wharton alumni. I hope that people will look at me and say, "She's from Wharton, one of the best business schools in the world."

added the last paragraph in, not sure if it conveys what exactly i am trying to say about me trying to be worthy of holding a degree from wharton? please comment and thank you :)

It doesn't seem complete to me somehow, please feel free to leave your thoughts and opinions! Criticisms are welcome and encouraged! :) Thanks alot

EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Dec 19, 2008   #2
I'd say you're on the right track. Here are some revisions you might want to consider:

"some of which appeals" should be "some of which appeal"

Anyone who starts off by saying "To be honest," is probably about to lie to you. I'd cut the phrase, if I were you.

"prompted me into writing this application." should be "prompted me to write this application."

"Being part of the Raffles Integrated Programme, research . . ." I think you mean to say here that you were a part of the program. If so, the first word after the comma should be "I."

"just like how a diamond comes out smooth . . . should be "just as just like how a diamond comes out smooth . . ."

"Wharton prides itself on its history of innovation, I too believe in the importance of creativity and thinking out of the box." This is a run-on sentence.
OP nemrac 5 / 2  
Dec 19, 2008   #3
Thank you so much, think I have more work to do but thanks alot! :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Dec 20, 2008   #4
Here is a small improvement:

Of course, it is not only true that Wharton will be a good fit for me, but also that I will be a good fit for Wharton.

You answered the prompt very clearly and well. Now, why does it seem incomplete? These essays often seem incomplete... you need to make it a single, powerful communication by using a unifying theme. It would be good, since you are going to work some more on it, if you go through and jot down a list of all the different ideas you present in these paragraphs, and see what themes emerge. At the end, it is good to refer back to something from the beginning, to give closure...
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Dec 22, 2008   #5
It's good. It's got that sycophantic praise thing going, which is really what you want here.
Pyramus 2 / 5  
Dec 22, 2008   #6
It's good. It's got that sycophantic praise thing going, which is really what you want here.

What? Is that really what you want here?

I'm going to have to disagree here. They don't want to be flattered and praised a bunch. They want to hear genuinely why business at Penn is something you can't get anywhere else, besides just their prestige. Else, you could go to Stanford or Princeton and major in economics and still be fine (yes yes, I know Penn is number one in business).

So genuine thoughts, and maybe a bit of flattery later is what I'm thinking.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Dec 22, 2008   #7
Yes, but the problem is that business at Penn isn't something you can't get anywhere else. In spite of the pressure many students feel to get into the "top" universities, apart from their reputation, it really, really doesn't matter that much, especially for undergraduate degrees. So, sycophantic praise focusing on reputation is pretty much the only response that makes a great deal of sense here.


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