HI GUYS hope someone can take a quick look and let me know what you think any help will be greatly appreciated. much love. thanks!
Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.
this is just a quick draft. im looking for sentence structure, semicolons, comma missuses etc.
Casey Feldman was 21 years old when she was struck and killed while crossing the street on a crosswalk by a distracted driver. Her friends describe her as "smart, caring and someone you knew would grow up to be someone special" According to the department of transportation in 2009, 5474 people were killed due to distracted- driving related crashes. Casey's story is just one of them.
In a society were driving is imperative drivers must realize that no one is invinsible and we must all adhere to the social responsibility we have. When we agree to drive a motor vehicle we undergo various test in order to be prepared and qualified but making such decision we are also entering into a silent contract with one another, that contract states that we will all assume responsibility for the wellbeing of each other, in other words we wont put the life of others at risk. Yet, we continue to. Everyday. by eating, drinking our morning coffee and by even by making calls and sending text messages. I can not imagine what it is to lose someone so loved like a sister or a friend in the hands of a stranger who consciously made the decision to violate societies silent contract but as proven by facts the reality is that not everyone is as lucky.
There are several campaigns that are at work to educate drivers on the risk of texting while driving but unless every person makes a commitmnent with themselves most of those campaigns will not work. Sure, we have all heard the dangers of texting while driving but what will it take for us to really take action and stop our dangerous ways? States like California, Connecticut and Delaware amongst others have a hand-held ban on all drivers as well as textin ban yet it is proven that even drivers who use a hands free device are still at risk of accidents because the usage of a cellphone in any way, shape, or form delays the drivers reaction.
Driver distraction is not just limited to the usage of cellular devices. Visual and manual distractions also account for many deaths related accidents when we take our hands off the steering wheel to change the radio station or when we take our eyes off the road even for just a couple minutes we are putting not only our life's but the lives of others at risk and no one has that right.
Everyday, as I get in my car, most of the times rushing from one place to another it is easy to want to speed or to be less cautious in order to save a couple seconds but I always stop and remember that there are people at home waiting for me.
**suggestions**
In a society wh ere driving is imperative, drivers must realize that no one is invinsible and we must all adhere to the social responsibilities we have. When we agree to drive a motor vehicle, we undergo various testsin order to beso that we are prepared and qualified for whatever we may come across on the road.B ut by making suchthis decision, we are also entering into a silent contract with one another.thatThis contract states that we will all assume responsibility for the wellbeing of each other, in other words we wont put the life of others at riskrisk one another's lives . Yet, we continue to. Everyday . everyday drivers are distracted by eating, drinking our morning coffee and by even by making calls and sending text messages. I can not imagine what it is like to lose someone soa loved one, like a sister or a friend inat the hands of a stranger who consciously made the decision to violate societiessociety's silent contract but as proven by facts the reality is that not everyone is as lucky.**as luck to be violated?**
There are several campaigns that are at work to educate drivers onof the risks of texting while driving, but unless every person makes a commitmnent with themselves to drive more responsiblymost of those campaigns will not work. Sure, we have all heard the dangers of texting while driving, but what will it take for us to really take action and stop our dangerous ways? States like California, Connecticut and Delaware amongst others have a hand-held ban on all drivers as well as texting ban yet it is proven (by who?) that even drivers who use a hands free device are still at risk of causing accidents because the usage of ausing a cell phone in any way, shape, or formwhile driving delays the driver' s reaction.
Driver distraction is not just limited to the usage of cellular devicescell phone usage . Visual and manual distractions also account for many deaths related accidents.W hen wea driver takesourtheir hands off the steering wheel to change the radio station or when we take our eyes off the road even for just a couple minutes *a couple of minutes?! thats a long time!**wethey are putting not only ourtheir own life's at risk but the lives of others at risk and no one has that right.as well.
edit edit edit- also maybe dont mention the campaigns unless you are involved in them. why is this issue important to you? what exactly are you doing to resolve this issue?
Great ideas, Camy!
I have another one here:
...and killed by a distracted driver while crossing the street on a crosswalk. by a distracted driver. This improves the clarity of the sentence.
Use a period:...you knew would grow up to be someone special." According to the ...
... no one is invincible and we must all adhere to the high standards of social responsibility. we have .
Every day is 2 words:
Every day, as I get in my car, most of the time rushing from----------If you use everyday as one word, it is an adjective (i.e. my everyday routine)
:-)
