First of all, it is the Peace Corps
. It is a tricky word because the "s" is silent, but it is important to get it right in your essay.
I won't go more into the grammar at this point, but instead talk about my impression
of the essay. I hope that you don't think I am picking on you. I just want you to see how what you say might be seen by others.
What I liked:
I want to bring new ideas and experiences to a community and in turn bring home the experiences I acquire in hopes of inspiring others to create change in some way
This is powerful. In my understanding of the Peace Corps, the mission goes beyond just helping people in developing countries, but being "goodwill ambassadors" with an open mind to a two-way cultural exchange. This speaks to the goals of the organization.
What confused me:
whether through the comfort of their own community or in a completely new one.
Huh? Are you thinking about taking the people you serve to a completely new community?
What I thought could be problematic:
Honestly? Although your commitment to vegetarianism and animal rights is admirable and environmentally responsible, with the Peace Corps, you must be able to acclimate and integrate into your new environment. This could prove difficult if you are perceived as judging people who eat meat or who may keep chickens in what you see as an inhumane manner. This is the only part of the essay that comes across as decisive, strong, and passionate. Which leads me to my next point ...
The essay comes across as wishy washy. You word choice doesn't convey a commitment or a passion; if anything, your word choice suggests serious reservations. Here are some examples: struggled, clear path, difficulty, short-term, struggling (again), and tear away.
Looking at the prompt, I don't feel like you have fully addressed it. Why
do you want to join the Peace Corps? I get the feeling it is because you don't know what else to do. "Helping others" is vague. What drives you to leave the familiar and take on the obligation to serve long-term in an environment and capacity yet to be determined?
How do your reasons for wanting to join tie in with your life experiences and goals? This might be a good place to talk about the kinds of volunteering you have done. Did it involve teaching? Agriculture? Healthcare? Service to others? A Peace Corps volunteer really needs leadership ability. Have you served in a leadership role? Directed others in completing tasks or working as a team? And what about your goals? What are they and how will a stint in the Peace Corps help you to reach them?
You say that your biggest challenge will be leaving your family/friends and that you will meet that challenge head on with their love and support, but ... you will be away from them for over two years and may have minimal contact. You will probably not have Internet or access to a telephone (heck, you may not even have electricity) and letters lack immediacy. You certainly won't be going to movies with your college roommates on Friday nights and you won't be home for your mother's birthday. If these are obstacles that you can overcome, tell the Peace Corps how
you plan to overcome these challenges ... the prompt is asking for a solution in addition to a confession.
If you want this, really
want this, you have to make yourself sound like you will be a successful volunteer. The Peace Corps accepts less than a third of the people who apply. It might not be as hard to get into as grad school (depending on the school), but it is competitive.
Wishing you the best.