Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. (500 word limit)
My essay is 694 words long and I am looking for ways to cut off words. Please help!
Also I will gladly accept changes/improvements/advices to my essay
Thank you!
I am a perfectionist. You could take a time machine, go very far back into my past, and you would see me striving for perfection. As early as three, when I first learned how to color, I'd throw out the artwork and start over if I had colored outside the lines, regardless of the amount of time and work already being put into the piece. Years later, when I was first exposed to video games, each time something went wrong my finger would point to the "Restart" button. This has become my reaction to everything. In the present I still strive for the perfect research paper for my AP Government class, the perfect diction for my English essays, and at this moment, trying to come up with the perfect topic to write about for my college question. However, the lesson I learned from a haunting yet unforgettable experience makes me think twice about my ideals; that striving to be perfect may not be the best option at times.
It was May 5th, 2012 when I first really challenged my ideals. I was in the middle of my AP Chemistry Exam. Chemistry is my best and favorite subject in school, so I expected a 5 on the exam. Since many people around me believed that I would inevitably ace the exam, I was determined to produce the perfect responses for all questions. So sticking to my ideals, I made it a priority to triple-check every answer immediately after writing it. The strategy radically hindered my test results, for I would leave many multiple choice questions guessed or unanswered. After the exam, I knew that in certain situations, like in testing, I need to compromise with my ideals to succeed. In July 1st I called ETS for my score, and my fears were confirmed. I was crestfallen to hear my atrocious score report. But let this experience be a life lesson for me to look back to so that I would not make the same mistake in the future.
What can I learn from this unforgettable experience? Sometimes in certain situations I need to compromise perfection to accomplish what is at minimum. Had I actually finished the test before going back and checking for errors, a 5 on the AP Exam would be certainly more attainable. A perfect answer sheet was not necessary to earn a 5.
But how can this experience affect my future? Undoubtedly I will be confronting similar yet more serious situations later on. What if I decide to take the GRE after 4 years of undergraduate study? Will I learn to compromise perfection, or will I once again go with my normal approach, obsessively checking and proofreading my answers, together wasting time and risking to not finishing the entire test? I may even face such conflicts during my college career. Many times my professors will ask me to produce a well-written paper, so my college career may get entangled in messy dilemmas.
I'm hoping I'll make a better decision the next time my ideals are challenged. If nothing else, this experience has made me more aware of the many sticky situations I may get myself into. What I learned about myself after the exam wasn't exactly flattering. Indeed, I'm still a perfectionist, but I exposed myself to situations in which my work does not need to be perfect. My bad decision has inspired me to look ahead and find ways to make my ideals and my love of chemistry work together. I'm interested in chemical engineering and I like to think that in the future I would utilize my skills to better the world and tackle noble causes such as climate change and sustainability. Even though perfectionism ironically has some flaws, I'm still determined to perfect my works, and hopefully this goal will never inhibit my work or education ever again. I, Quan Do, will do everything in my power to accomplish my mission to succeed in everything I put my effort into. I will give my best shot. I will endure. I will endeavor, and I will achieve.
Your essay is lacking an over all theme, I would recommend having some sort of appeal that shines through the essay, stick it together, and make it glisten. Personally, please don't take this the wrong way, but it feels that you are bragging for most of the essay, your experience should help define who you are today, and how it has impacted it. What I got form this is that you will manage your time better during a test? It is not very impacting, dig deeper? and good luck!
Exactly how I felt about this essay. I originally intended this essay to show that I need room for improvement, especially during college which is suppose to be the biggest step of one's life. I'm trying to central this essay into the idea that there is always room for improvement, as I hope college will help me to keep me from making mistakes and provide me with resources to improve on my goals. My essay is central to a bad decision I made, which I hope will make my essay stand out from people who tells about their winning touchdown or an amazing achievement. Im certainly changing my words to make the reader feel a different way.
This is my third raft of the essay. I finally reduced the essay to 496 words. Please suggest some actions I can do to improve this essay. Thanks!
I am a perfectionist. You could take a time machine, go very far back into my past, and you would see me striving for perfection. As early as three, when I first learned how to color, I'd throw out the artwork and start over if I had colored outside the lines, regardless of the amount of time and work already been wasted. In the present I still strive for the perfect research paper for my Government class, the perfect diction for my English essays, and at this moment, the perfect topic to write about for my college question. However, the lesson I learned from a haunting yet unforgettable experience makes me think twice about my ideals; that striving to be perfect may not be the best option at times.
It was May 5th, 2012 when I first really challenged my ideals. I was in the middle of the AP Chemistry Exam. Sticking to my ideals, I established a requirement to triple-check every answer immediately. The strategy radically hindered my test results. In July 1st I was crestfallen to hear my atrocious score report. By then, I knew that in a few situations, I need to compromise with my ideals. But let this experience be a life lesson for me to look back to so that I would not make the same mistake in the future.
What can I learn from this unforgettable experience? Sometimes in certain situations I need to compromise perfection to accomplish the more realistic goal. Had I actually finished the test before going back and checking for errors, a 5 on the exam would be certainly more attainable.
But how can this experience affect my future? Undoubtedly I will be confronting similar yet more serious situations later on. What if I decide to take the GRE after 4 years of undergraduate study? Will I learn to compromise perfection, or will I once again go with my normal approach, obsessively proofreading my answers? I may even face such conflicts during my college career. Many times my professors will ask me to produce a well-written paper in a short time, so my college career may get entangled in messy dilemmas.
I'm hoping I'll make a better decision the next time my ideals are challenged. If nothing else, this experience has made me more aware of the many sticky situations I may get myself into. What I learned about myself after the exam wasn't exactly flattering. I knew that there was much more room for improvement. My bad decision has inspired me to look ahead and find ways to make my ideals and my love of chemistry work together. I'm deeply interested in chemical engineering and I hope that in the future I would utilize my skills to better the world and tackle noble causes such as climate change and sustainability. I, Quan Do, will do anything in my power to accomplish my goals, and nothing will stand in my way.
This is my third raft of the essay. I finally reduced the essay to 496 words. Please suggest some actions I can do to improve this essay. Thanks!
I am a perfectionist. You could take a time machine, go very far back into my past, and you would see me striving for perfection. As early as three, when I first learned how to color, I'd throw out the artwork and start over if I had colored outside the lines, regardless of the amount of time and work already been wasted. In the present I still strive for the perfect research paper for my Government class, the perfect diction for my English essays, and at this moment, the perfect topic to write about for my college question. However, the lesson I learned from a haunting yet unforgettable experience makes me think twice about my ideals; that striving to be perfect may not be the best option at times.
It was May 5th, 2012 when I first really challenged my ideals. I was in the middle of the AP Chemistry Exam. Sticking to my ideals, I established a requirement to triple-check every answer immediately. The strategy radically hindered my test results. In July 1st I was crestfallen to hear my atrocious score report. By then, I knew that in a few situations, I need to compromise with my ideals. But let this experience be a life lesson for me to look back to so that I would not make the same mistake in the future.
What can I learn from this unforgettable experience? Sometimes in certain situations I need to compromise perfection to accomplish the more realistic goal. Had I actually finished the test before going back and checking for errors, a 5 on the exam would be certainly more attainable.
But how can this experience affect my future? Undoubtedly I will be confronting similar yet more serious situations later on. What if I decide to take the GRE after 4 years of undergraduate study? Will I learn to compromise perfection, or will I once again go with my normal approach, obsessively proofreading my answers? I may even face such conflicts during my college career. Many times my professors will ask me to produce a well-written paper in a short time, so my college career may get entangled in messy dilemmas.
I'm hoping I'll make a better decision the next time my ideals are challenged. If nothing else, this experience has made me more aware of the many sticky situations I may get myself into. What I learned about myself after the exam wasn't exactly flattering. I knew that there was much more room for improvement. My bad decision has inspired me to look ahead and find ways to make my ideals and my love of chemistry work together. I'm deeply interested in chemical engineering and I hope that in the future I would utilize my skills to better the world and tackle noble causes such as climate change and sustainability. I, Quan Do, will do anything in my power to accomplish my goals, and nothing will stand in my way.
your revised introduction paragraph is much better! But in your second paragraph, you repeated the word ideals 3 times. It was May 5th, 2012 when I first really challenged my ideals . I was in the middle of the AP Chemistry Exam. Sticking to my ideals , I established a requirement to triple-check every answer immediately. The strategy radically hindered my test results. In July 1st I was crestfallen to hear my atrocious score report. By then, I knew that in a few situations, I need to compromise with my ideals . But let this experience be a life lesson for me to look back to so that I would not make the same mistake in the future.
using a different variety of words with make your essay more tasteful. Like values, or expectations. In my essay, i used the word "understanding" 6 times in one paragraph! It was ridiculous. i reworded it, and sound more intelligent for it.
If you could, check my essay:) it'd be appreciated.
I agree with Leynorboard! Your introduction paragraph is much better in your revised version. In reference to my style of writing, I'd hold back a little bit on the simple sentences and rhetorical questions. Those two rhetorics are meant to create impact in your writing, and if used excessively, can detract away from its purpose. Other than that, the revised version is much better! :)
