Love the alliteration :p
In that section of metatarsal, r ight between the overlarge bunions that jut out from just under both my biggest and smallest toe, my foot hurts.
I thought the sentence was a bit of a mouthful before adding the comma.
As I apply pressure, the now rock-hard paper-maché - t hat will eventually become soggy and dead and require replacement within a few short weeks-g ives way and I am able to fully flatten the entire bottom of my foot against the inner shank of my shoe.
I think the section I have set apart with the hyphen is nonrestrictive. A nonrestrictive
element supplies material not essential to the sentence and, if removed, will not
change the meaning of the original sentence. You should separate it from the rest of the sentence with commas but you have already used a couple in that sentence. I suggest a complete restructuring of the sentence. Perhaps :
I apply pressure as the now rock-hard paper-maché, that will eventually become soggy, dead and require replacement within a few short weeks, gives way and I am able to fully flatten the entire bottom of my foot against the inner shank of my shoe.
Though i think there is too much going on within this sentence. I'd prefer if you broke it down into smaller parts.
Relief is immediate.
I think this is a fragment. Though i like the effect it gives.
The moment I lift my right foot, the left begins complaining anew; however, I canno t cater to it again.
Sounded like a run on sentence before.
For a minute, perhaps two, I am a dancer.
I like this ending. :)
Your approach to the prompt is indeed unorthodox, but i think it works. you have indeed elaborated on one of your co-curricular activities and as such it is an appropriate response to the prompt. However, it is very risky. Brilliant, but risky. Some AO's will not appreciate the narrative take on the prompt... others will. S it is a game of chance. is it one your willing to take?
Also address the word limit. ( I hate them too. In fact the only reason i haven't done this essay yet is that darn 150 word limit!! :))