CommonApp - Topic of your choice
So this is my main essay for the commonapp.. This already went through some revisions, so grammar should be fine..
I am more concerned about the content. I got a lot of mixed reviews, so I wasn't sure if I should change it.
I appreciate any criticism and insights!
Confessions of a Carnivore
I have been persecuted all my life. Not for my race, religion, or sexuality, but because of my diet. I love meat! But since Upton Sinclair's The Jungle, meat has become an anathema. I remember when Anne Hathaway came out as a vegetarian on the Ellen DeGeneres Show. The response was a "Good for you!" from Ellen and loud applause from the audience. I could not understand. What is so great about becoming a vegan? Why, when I refuse to eat my veggies, do I get a slap from my mother?
After receiving yet another lecture of how I am "going to die young if I don't eat my veggies," I went to the place where everyone goes for help: the internet. What I found on the web was a warzone between carnivores and herbivores. While herbivores promote plants, carnivores endorse meat. In the war of appetites, carnivores are undeniably losing. Though the situation seemed futile, my thirst for blood drove me to continue my research. After hours of digging online I found my brethrens: the Inuit.
Further research led me to the field of archaeology. In an article in LiveScience (October 2012), I learned that fragments of an ancient skull recently found in Tanzania suggest early hominids ate meat regularly, not just occasionally as previously indicated. Thrilled but confused, I contacted Manuel DomĂnguez-Rodrigot, the archaeologist who undertook the research. His response attributed the success of humankind to a carnivorous diet. After further discussion, we concluded that regular consumption of meat triggered major changes in human evolution. Meat was necessary for the development of our large human brain which distinguishes us from other animals. Essentially, eating meat made us kings of the animal kingdom.
My love for flesh, nevertheless, says nothing about what you should eat. If the vegetarian diet has worked for you, then stick with it. Despite what many say, there is insufficient data to conclude that any particular dietary regime is best. Biologically speaking, humans are most similar to omnivores, where balance is key. However, humans do not fit within the narrow parameters that classify other animals. Humans have the intellectual capacity to make a choice. And choosing what I want to have for dinner tonight is in essence what makes me human.
I loved the topic. Pretty unique. Plus your title grabbed my attention instantly. Stick with it! Its pretty good. :D
Dude this has got to be one of the most interesting essays I've read for a really long time. Definitely stick with it!
If you have time, I would really appreciate any suggestions for improvement on my common app essay.
My biggest concern is that it is not personal enough. People have told me that it is too much information trying to prove my point.
Also, since this is a personal statement, I'm not sure if I will leave the readers (college admissions) with a good impression of me.
Basically, I'm afraid I sound just like a picky, immature brat who is really stubborn. (some people have told me that...)
I'm not sure about the content. Because you're in the majority of people, being a "carnivore" seems largely unimportant. And the "persecution" you speak of is not actually of a serious nature--actually, it's not even persecution--so I feel like you've sucked any real meaning out of the word. You've trivialized it.
Maybe if you skip the whole "persecution" bit, it would make a much better essay.
I agree, I'm not sure about the content at all.
Though it was an interesting read, I'm not quite convinced that this is an adequate fit for college essays.
Change "flesh" to "meat"...unless you're a big skin fan, too.
Thanks for all the replies!
But can you guys maybe say what kind of person you see me as? qualities, attributes.
I'm not sure if I am painting myself in the image I want...