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"Perseverance and Overweight" - MIT personality essay


pintianz 7 / 15  
Dec 27, 2010   #1
What attribute of your personality are you most proud of, and how has it impacted your life so far? This could be your creativity, effective leadership, sense of humor, integrity, or anything else you'd like to tell us about. (*) (200-250 words)

Perseverance is the attribute of my personality that I am most proud of. My ability to persevere through hardships has helped me overcome many obstacles in my life with one of them being my weight problem.

Overweight is a global issue that is threatening many people's physical and psychological wellbeing. In the past, I have often felt that I weight more than the standard value, especially after a summer vacation spent in my home town Beijing, where myriad varieties of tempting food could dramatically expand my waistline. To resolve the problem that has been suppressing my confidence and self esteem, I made plans to run a mile every day to lose weight.

Making goals is easy but stay committed to them is much more difficult; obstacles such as poor weather, lack of time, and my pure laziness have made me think of skipping or quitting multiple times. But every time such obstacles appear, I would think of think of my goal and push on to finish my daily exercise.

After two years of consistent running, I gradually ramped up the distance from one mile a day to seven miles a day and successfully reduced my weight from 170Ibs to 140Ibs. By staying focused on my goal, I felt healthier, happier, and most importantly more confident about myself and my future. Reducing weight is only one of many achievements I made through perseverance in the past and I believe that it will continue to help me strife for a successful life in the future.
nikamonster 9 / 38  
Dec 27, 2010   #2
Being overweight is a global issue that is threatening many people's physical and psychological wellbeing.

In the past, I have often felt that I weigh more than the standard value [this sounds so odd. but maybe it's just me]

where myriad varieties [i feel like this is redundant. keep only one] of tempting food could dramatically expand my waistline.
OP pintianz 7 / 15  
Dec 27, 2010   #3
Thanks you!!
perplexity215 3 / 17  
Dec 27, 2010   #4
Making goals is easy but staying committed to them is much more difficult
OP pintianz 7 / 15  
Dec 28, 2010   #5
Heres the revised version:

My legs were numbed and heavy. With every step I take, the strong impact of my foot against the concrete vibrates my bone. My brain was empty of all thoughts. I can't stop here now. These calories must go.

Overweight was a problem for me, especially after a summer vacation spent in my home town Beijing, where the temptation from countless varieties of Chinese food could dramatically expand my belt size. I wanted to break free from the problem that has been suppressing my confidence and self esteem for years and I knew that it was going to be a journey that requires strong will and determination.

To achieve my goal, I made a plan to run a mile everyday. However, soon I realized that making goals is easy but staying committed to them is much more difficult; obstacles such as poor weather, lack of time, and my pure laziness have made me think of quitting multiple times. But every time such obstacles appear, I would think of think of my goal and push on to finish my daily exercise.

After two years of consistent running, I gradually increased the distance from one mile a day to five miles a day and successfully reduced my weight from 170Ibs to 140Ibs. By staying focused on my goal, I felt healthier, happier, and most importantly more confident about myself and my future. Reducing my weight is only one of many achievements I have completed through determination in the past, and I believe that it will continue to help me strive for a successful life in the future.

The transition from the intro to the second paragraph dosen't seem very smooth, any suggestion?
ailibai 8 / 21  
Dec 28, 2010   #6
"My legs were numbed and heavy. With every step I take, the strong impact of my foot against the concrete vibrates my bone. My brain was empty of all thoughts. I can't stop here now. These calories must go."

Your verb tenses switch from past to present and back again. Make them all one tense; I'm partial to present tense for this.


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