Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. I'm concerned the essay is a little (or very) superficial/cliche though, please let me know what you think. Also grammar checks would be appreciated. Thanks!
USC's speaker series What Matters to Me and Why asks faculty and staff to reflect on their values, beliefs, and motivations. Presenters talk about choices they have made, difficulties encountered and commitments solidified. Write an essay about an event or experience that helped you learn what is important to you and why it is important.
Perseverance pays rich dividends. From a young age, my parents frequently extolled the virtues of hard work and perseverance. Back when nothing 'mattered' and when life was 'carefree'. I was a naive child, far out of sync with any semblance of sensibility and reality. I didn't understand the value of working hard. I never thought of what to expect or what I would be doing when I matured. It seemed like a separate world, so disconnected, and so far off in eternity to worry about. Why bother when it was irrelevant?
As a child, I received after-school tutoring on multiple subjects, which I despised. Constantly struggling with the problem sets, the sessions gave me headaches, and I viewed them as unnecessary drudgery. This was especially because the content seemed far more advanced than the material at school, and that my peers' lives were seemingly a blur of fun and games. So I protested, time and time again. My parents would always remind me to be grateful, giving the same old lecture, the one which unfailingly started with "when I was your age". And invariably, their words fell on deaf ears. It was a comparison that I greatly disliked; not only because of the obvious generational gap, but living a privileged life in Vancouver, my circumstances were different.
My parents no doubt grew weary of my whining. Instead of the tired old lecture, this was when my mother decided to divulge the details of their arduous experience. Back in the late 1980s, in search of better job opportunities, my father made a spur of the moment decision to leave China for Germany to pursue his aspiration of earning a PhD. My mother followed shortly after. It was to be a daunting experience. In addition to the challenges of being abroad for the first time, my parents barely had enough cash to cover their living expenses, and, as was convention, mailed any surplus income home to support my grandparents. This was particularly burdensome for my father as he had studies to focus on as well. My mother gave birth to me in the winter of 1991, therefore exacerbating their precarious financial situation. A few months later, she broke her left leg in a cycling accident, necessitating hospitalization for over a month. Juggling studies, work, as well as caring for a newborn baby and an injured wife would have been overwhelming for the best of us. However, my father persisted, and managed to pull though, graduating Magna cum laude.
This poignant account of my parents' struggles provoked my thoughts. Ultimately, it inspired me to change my outlook and attitude towards my work. Having realized the extent of their struggles, I had an epiphany. I realized that the tutoring was not purely about academics. It was because my parents wanted to train me to adopt the same mentality of perseverance and determination, so that I would be well prepared for the rigors of reality. While the odds were stacked against him, my father would not forgo his aspirations. His perseverance and determination were commendable and definitely paid off; his resolve is the driving force behind my family's prosperity today. It was a definite teaching tool and success story that, through perseverance, dreams can flourish. I began to understand the value of hard work. As I matured, I came to grips with reality and took this lesson to heart by developing a "can do" attitude. The thought of my parents' struggles compelled me to do them proud. It motivated me to seek new challenges, and to strive to be at my best. Every success would result in a sense of personal satisfaction and would fuel me to reach greater heights of attainment. Failures would not discourage me as they did before; instead, I would take the opportunity to assess my shortcomings and improve upon my previous attempts. Thus, my parents' influence has been instrumental in helping me to become a better, more independent and responsible person. I truly owe it to them for teaching me this lesson early on. They will certainly be tough acts to follow.
After staring at this a long time, I think the first paragraph should be merged with the last so that the new first paragraph starts with the sentence I like so much...Letian, I really like this first sentence: As a child, I received after-school tutoring on multiple subjects, which I despised... great way to start!!
Now... I think the semi-colon in the last sentence of that paragraph should be a dash. Google around to see the different uses of each.
I might be wrong about moving the first para to the end and starting with para #2. Look at it and decide if you think that is good!
And this stuff near the end is too vague: came to grips with reality and took this lesson to heart by developing a "can do" attitude. The thought of my parents' struggles compelled me to do them proud. It motivated me to seek new challenges, and to strive to be at my best. Every success would result in All that is so nonspecific. Do you know what I mean? Just claims about a can-do attitude. I like the main idea, but it becomes a little redundant. Keep the examples, and keep the sentences that explain how you came to understand your parents' wisdom, but maybe you should cut some of the sentences that repeat the same idea and say vague things like 'seek new challenges' and 'strive to be my best.'
Bottom line, though... the essay is great and the writing is great! Your parents are probably glad you have this wisdom, now, too.
