Can anyone critique my essay
ï Choose an issue of importance to youïthe issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scopeïand write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.
Every person's American Dream may be different in scope, but the origins of everyone's dreams are all the same. These dreams are derived from the inalienable right in the Declaration of Independence that all men are endowed the Pursuit of Happiness. Although the American Dream is pursued by everyone, the American Dream is important to me because of the preservation of education, financial security, and freedom.
In order to achieve the American Dream, you have to get a good education, and the education has to be affordable to everyone. Many immigrants come to America to have a better education. They want to have this education to obtain a better lifestyle and hope that this education will have positive effects on their American Dream. In America, the only state, so far, that has an affordable education is the state of California, but while they made it affordable to everyone it came with a cost. They could be bankrupting their state because of higher taxes, and in the mean time, the higher taxes are causing different people to find other affordable opportunities in the other forty-nine states. In short these taxes thwart children and teenagers from getting their education because the parents have to pay these higher taxes for basic essentials; therefore, there is no money to support the education system. I want a better education that is affordable that will not jeopardize mine or my parent's future. The better education aspect starts a chain reaction in the American Dream. It causes people to have more financial security.
Financial Security, or money, is another aspect of why the American Dream needs to be preserved. This object has led to Bill Gates being the richest person in the world or James Cameron produce a nearly three hundred million dollar movie called Avatar. These are examples of people who used money to pursue their American Dream. Some Americans follow the sins of greed and lust, and they attempt to gain money through so many different ways such as drug distribution and prostitution. Money is on the top of almost everyone's mind and especially this economy and with Christmas being right around the corner. I recently watched Charlie Gibson on ABC World News, and he did this story of how China has a myriad amount of money invested in America, and if they pull that money out of America, America will be indigent. Thus most American Dreams will be obliterated by this event. Now I, like everyone else, needs money, and money, we hope, will be the elixir to initiate our American Dream. Freedoms are then derived from money.
Freedom is another major necessity of the American Dream. Immigrants come to America for freedoms that they didn't have in other countries. Some of these freedoms include the bill of rights, and one of the major rights from the bill is the freedom of speech. In those other countries, speech, sometimes, isn't equal among the citizens of that country, and when the immigrants arrive to this country their speech is as equal as every other American that lives in the fifty states. The American Dream is then enhanced by these freedoms. Politicians, such as Chris Matthews, are an example of freedom having an impact on their American Dream. They have the freedom of the press and the freedom of assembly to help them win office, and this helps their American Dream. Americans hold these freedoms to their extent, and they hope that this will help them with their American Dream.
"The dream lives on," Ted Kennedy said at the Democratic National Convention in Denver of 2008. This quote will live on as the reminder that the American Dream exists, and Americans will one day hope that their American Dream will come true.
Not to be harsh, but my only criticism is that I felt like I could have gotten this out of wikipedia. I want to hear about YOU!!! So talk about you more and why it affects the direction you want to go in life, etc.
that all men are endowed the Pursuit of Happiness.
It's better to write all people instead of all men. Don't perpetuate old, gender-oppressive language.
Complete this thought:
In order to achieve the American Dream, one needs a good education, so if the Dream is to be available to everyone
education has to be made
affordable to everyone.
No, I see that the American Dream seems to be the topic of this essay, but the essay is supposed to be about an issue. For example, you can write about the issue of affordable education, which you introduced near the start of this essay. That is a good issue to cover.
You could also write about the issue of sustainable energy or the issue of racism. Be sure to write about an issue; the American Dream can be mentioned, but the central theme of the essay must be an issue of concern.