I was wondering if I could get some feedback on my essay its 4184 characters but needs to be max 3800
PROMPT Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.
If you asked me what I thought of the person I am today, I would probably tell you that it is not exactly the person I pictured when I was younger. Then again there is no way of predicting what choices you will make and the effect they will have on you. Throughout middle school I was what most would call a typical "honors kid", spending most of my time just watching television and doing homework. I did not play any sports, was not part of any clubs, although I was in the school band. Once high school started I looked at it as an opportunity to try new things and expand my horizons. At first I was hesitant about jumping into things for fear of not fitting in or not being skilled enough, but with some encouragement from my friends I signed myself up for various activities. My weekend consists of going to work, hanging out with friends, going to concerts, playing club tennis, and of course I still have school work. I've tried soccer, tennis, track, photography, chess, and academic decathlon. While I didn't necessarily excel at all of them I did learn something from each experience. Whenever I signed up for something new I would always tell myself that by signing up it meant I could not quit, in high school it's pretty common to see people quit halfway through seasons, but all I knew was that I did not want to be one of them.
In my freshmen year I joined soccer and tennis, soccer was actually my favorite sport at the time and I enjoyed playing, but I can now say that the best decision I made was signing up for tennis. What I like so much about tennis is that it is more centered on self improvement, than any other sport I've played. When I started playing I was at a huge disadvantage, I was the only one on the team who had never played tennis before, not to mention the players who had gone through tennis camps and coaches. In my school we only have one tennis team, varsity, so only the seven best players get to even play. I've seen dozens of players quit because they didn't think they would play, but I was determined enough to keep at it. Junior year I got to play varsity and now that it is my senior year I was chosen as the varsity captain. That being said there have been some things I sometimes wish I never signed up for.
When I signed up for winter track junior year I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I already had some friends on the team and figured, why not, it would get me in shape and it could be fun. I was wrong. That winter season was probably the longest I had ever experienced, I learned that I absolutely hated running, I would always dread or seven mile run around town and to be honest I was miserable most of the time, but by the time the end of the season came I was proud that I had stuck with it.
Obviously high school is not only about sports, there is more drama and emphasis on being popular than there should be, or at least that is my opinion. I hate when people use stereotypes and make assumptions about people they have never even talked to. Being Hispanic I have had some firsthand experience with stereotypes, it is not very pleasant, so I decided I would never make assumptions about another individual without getting to know them. While most of my friends tried coordinating schedules and electives so that they could get into the same classes, I decided I would choose my electives based on what I was interested on, not just because my best friend chose it. It paid off; I got to know other students I would have never gotten the chance to even talk to if I was in my usual honors classes. I made some close friends this way, just the other weekend I was helping out my friend's band set up for a show as their roadie. When I look at other schools I am disappointed at the lack of diversity, college should be a time for people to be exposed to new situations, or at least that's what I want from a college. Rutgers is the diverse campus I want to attend, not only does it have an excellent engineering program, but it is also a place I can express my artistic side and keep up with sports. I don't want to be limited by a handful of options, I want variety and I believe Rutgers is where I'll find it.
although I was in the school band.
although isn't right here
That being said there have been some things I sometimes wish I never signed up for.
need to cut off some sentences? this isn't really important :P they don't have to know anyway
or at least that is my opinion
Omit that.. it's not ur opinion.. it's true
just the other weekend
what other weekend?
I look at other schools I am disappointed at the lack of diversity
looked... was disappointed..
exposed to new situations
situations, or different kinds of people??
I like your ideas and your essay is well-organized.. you can cut off some unwanted details since you have to chop it off a little.. like the paragraph about signing up for walking, you can attach it to the paragraph before and make it a lot shorter.. like the whole point of the paragraph is saying I hated it but I still stuck to it till the end..
Try to add more rhetoric.. grab more attention.. beautify it!
Don't switch verb tense: My weekend consisted of going to...
this is supposed to be about how you will promote diversity, enjoy it, and benefit by it. Read about diversity on the internet... google it.
I challenge you to make at least 2 of these paragraphs end with a sentence about how diversity is involved in what you are saying.
