Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 2

'personality, responsibility, and hard work ethic' - My UF essay on character


buddybuddy1 1 / 2  
Oct 9, 2011   #1
Promt: In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

I firmly believe I am ready to become a Gator not only because of my excellent scholarship but because of my character. It takes a special type of person, one with certain characteristics to achieve excellence in school and in life. This characteristic can be seen in people that TRY to achieve what they really want in life and do not give up. Try is the key word here because most people have dreams but then they do not take any actions. I see people all the time with great potential but no initiative whatsoever. Unfortunately, my friend is an example. He is a great athlete that in his spare time enters his fantasy world by playing football games on the Xbox every day and only wishes that he could be as good as the main characters in the game. Imagine how much more athletic and how much closer to his dream he would be if he practiced his sport instead of wasting his time on video games. This is not me, in my free time I focus my energy into learning more about what I really enjoy, which is science. My basic biology and chemistry courses were a breeze for me during my first two years of high school so last year I challenged myself with AP Biology and this year with AP Chemistry. The passion I have for science definitely eased the stress levels that I would have otherwise encountered. This may sound like I do not like to have fun, which is not the case. I do enjoy going out with friends and love spending quality time with family. A person's social life is crucial in determining character. My persona is well-rounded not only because I enjoy competing in a variety of sports including: soccer, basketball, and Eight Step Praying Mantis Kung Fu but because I am also intelligent, bilingual, active in my community and public minded.

Most alumni at UF are most likely, in pursuit of a goal because they care for their future and joining the Gator Nation is a step they took towards their dream. My goal is to become a well-known surgeon and I have already mapped out what I have to do to achieve it. All that is left to do now is take necessary and proper action. I truly believe that with my determination to succeed in life, my personality, responsibility, and my hard work ethic I will fit in perfectly with the University of Florida community mentally and most importantly academically.

*Please criticise and find any grammatical errors or any errors at all. Thank you for your time and feedback.
brik2100 2 / 6  
Oct 9, 2011   #2
Try is the key word here because most people have dreams but then they do not take any actions. (I think this sentence is overhaul. The following sentence does just fine on its own)

This is not me , in my free time I focus my energy into learning more about what I really enjoy, which is science. (Try replacing the blue with "On the contrary")

My basic biology and chemistry courses were a breeze for me during my first two years of high school so last year I challenged myself with AP Biology and this year with AP Chemistry. (Change "My" to "Since." It flows better. Omit the "so" and add a comma after "high school.")

This may sound like I do not like to have fun, which is not the case. (I think this sentence is unnecessary. Try replacing it with "Besides my academics" and combine it with the following sentence)

Besides these things, I thought your essay was solid, concise, and to the point. I could easily recognize your passion to attend UF :)


Home / Undergraduate / 'personality, responsibility, and hard work ethic' - My UF essay on character