Perspective on Journalism and Music: Northwestern Supplement Essay (qualities)

This is just bad. I need someone to help me fix grammar, content and other issues I know this essay has.

Prompt: What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

Word Limit: NA (650)
My Count: 790!!!!!!!

As a prospective journalism and music double major, I know that Northwestern University has the accommodations for my future as a writer and as a musician. The institution's numerous programs and colleges allow me to achieve a fantastic education, and in the case of music and journalism combined, the Bienen School of Music and the Medill School of Journalism are the ideal schools to develop substantial skills for my career as a journalist, as well as my future as an adult. Northwestern's stamina in its rigorous academic schooling, as well as its high stature as a top school appeals to my constant hunger to learn through the wonderful liberal education Northwestern offers.

I began the intense pursuit for the college of my aspirations the beginning of my junior year, finding that without a proper guide or path to follow, I would be completely lost. I had only looked into each university's statistics Northwestern University was not an institution I had actually looked into-- in fact, I initially stumbled upon the beautiful campus on a field trip for my choir class. In my many years of traveling to Chicago as a child, I had never seen any part of the city so wonderfully secluded in its own beauty. The many preserved buildings and monuments that dated the university's initial opening stood with immortal pride, symbolizing the confidence of every Northwestern student. I knew, at this moment, that Northwestern was unlike any other university. This was my university.

As this was the first college campus I had ever set my foot in, the overwhelming sight of students walking to and from buildings and conversing with one another had tensed my nerves, as their behavior seemed so fluid in such a diverse and starkly contrasting environment. Unlike the past, however, where I had assumed college to be absolutely frightening and unfeasible, the reality of my college-bound future set in-- I was not petrified of the college process no longer. This bravery stemmed from the wonderful experience I had as a visitor on Northwestern's campus, for both the field trip and my actual campus visit. Speaking with the professors, alumni and even the current students was effortless, and I was educated on the college process more extensively than from any other outside research I conducted. My visit allowed me to look at Northwestern Univesity not as just another statistic, but an enchanting experience and opportunity for my future.

I am a student that yearns to learn and develop my skills as an intellectual, and Northwestern's moral of teaching is one that is best suited for reaching realistic and worthy aspirations. For any school I will be applying to, liberal education is a must. The best liberal education, however, in conjunction to attaining a high-standing degree and the best preparation for the future of the job market, comes only from Northwestern University.

The qualifications for a well-standing job as a journalist are constantly changing with the advancement of communication and technology, so the most versatile and optimum foundation in education is vital for my future. The Medill School of Journalism is the ideal college to attend in order to manifest the journalism career in its highest manner. I believe Medill's journalism education suits my needs very well, for I am a passionate student who needs to attain the best tools of the trade for such a daring and potentially successful track in the world. My need for intelligent and well-educated professors to guide me through my journey as a writer and broadcaster is quite dire, and I will find every method of learning, from even the least significant of lessons, discussions and projects.

Northwestern's music and journalism program is a unique major that I have only found at this school, and because of this exceedingly rare opportunity, my passion for music can be complacent. The Bienen School of Music provides an excellent music education, and for a hopeful musician who understands the beauty and charisma music is, this is a blessing. As a child, I had always dreamed of becoming a musician, singing in front of the mirror and for elementary school music concerts. I now participate in various choirs, and hope to continue my involvement after I graduate. Northwestern's choirs are the best I have ever heard, and every member, much like me, is passionate of their work.

My passion, dedication and commitment is what fuels me, and Northwestern allows me to work at my full potential, as a student and as an adult looking forward to the future. The old-time charm of the university's campus, as well as its substantial education and diverse opportunities provided for the students is why I will be proud to be a Wildcat!

Can anyone give me advice?

There are reasons why this essay would not reach the level it ought to.

1) This is very formal writing, you see... it lacks emotion in the essay. Be a little eased out and a little informal in your writing. The beginning or ending have to be really good and should make an impact.

2)In the second para where you talk about university--- your sentences lack a sequence. I feel its a little jerky. Make the thing flow.


The first one is not showing that you were so mature and aware about college work but is an unnecessary statement which sounds a little over mature person. You're a freshman and not a fifty year old. Show your different (but don't make it slack). ;)

The second sentence is again not good because neither witty nor informative nor an achievement nor ... I mean why write this?

3)







ISN'T IT AN OVERDOSE...????

You need to improve your style and thought. The point is that this essay is long, boring and more "I" oriented where every few lines later there is a line showing your "passionate" ... and nothing else.

I mean, the committee would wonder.." If so passionate, have you written any journals, gone for extra camps like rafting, hiking... what have you done?" Everyone researches, so that doesn't make you different. If, you have done something then write that.

Just make these changes and others what you may feel... also what others post up. Second draft would help us give more suggestions. Its like if you keep posting with changes the next person can immediately work on the corrected one so, the improvement becomes faster.

Hope this helps... :)

Northwestern's stamina in its rigorous academic schooling, as well as its high stature as a top school, appeal to my constant hunger to learn through the wonderful liberal education Northwestern offers.---oh... actually, this sentence gets a little carried away at the end. Constant and wonderful make my too-many-modifiers alarm buzz in my brain.

End that first paragraph with a sentence that is very interesting. It cannot be a general assertion about a desire to attend. You have to be able to sum up your PLAN in a single sentence at the end of the first paragraph. I think that is the cure for the essay.

but an enchanting experience and opportunity for my future.--- This is really cool.. I like the way the word enchanting adds some definition to the essay.

Tell us about your unique plan. I think the essay should talk more about your specific goals that need to be achieved in order to have the success you envision as a writer and musician. (By the way, a writer is a kind of musician, because meter makes music of both poetry and prose.)

:-)

Hahaha, thanks EF kevin and donrocks, for everything. Actually, I look at this essay now and realize that I completely missed the point. Trust me, my other writings are much better.

I will completely overhaul this thing to make it actually convey some emotion!

Thanks again! (I will repost when I'm done).

So here is the revised version of this essay!

WC: 501 (YAY!)

Life is full of challenges; it takes the best of people to make the most of them. I am driven by these strains which allow me to reach my full potential. An institution where I can perform at my very best is where I belong. Northwestern's rigorous academic standards as well as its high stature as a top school appeal to my insatiable hunger to learn.

As a particularly picky student when it comes to my education, I look for the entire package of a university and how well the school experience suits me. Educational aspects, such the rigor of academic programs, are a large determining factor for my college of choice. However, the environment the institution offers is much more of an influence on what is most suitable for my needs as a prospective journalism student. For these reasons, I feel that Northwestern would allow me to experience the great city life of Chicago, while maintaining a very close-knit community and lifestyle the city of Evanston offers. I am a student that yearns to learn and develop my skills as a broadcaster and an intellectual, and Northwestern's environment, through both an educational and social standpoint, is one that is best suited for reaching my realistic and worthy aspirations.

The pursuit of my goals has proven abstruse from my youth. As a child, I had many difficulties finding my courage, both in school and at home. Throughout the years, however, I have found the confidence and fervor that allows me to pursue my dreams. Recently, I have dealt with many conflicting differences of opinion about my future, specifically with the rest of my family, regarding my decision of pursuing journalism. I fought the opposition with all my strength, through every battle between my parents, and for that I am especially passionate of my prospective goals. The qualifications for a well-standing job as a journalist are constantly changing with the advancement of communication and technology, so the optimum foundation in broadcasting knowledge is vital for my future. The Medill School of Journalism, the leader in its field, is where I belong. Medill's track record and history fulfills my needs, and I am an ardent student who must attain the best resources for such a daring and solid career.

Journalism is indispensable to me, because it does not only pose as a career of choice but as an entirely refreshing and rewarding lifestyle. My job as a journalist is to discover the uncovered, unbiased truth in the world and broadcast stories of genuine success, triumphs and hope to the people. I want to instill passion into every person who picks up a newspaper and watches a television broadcast to allow them to see what I see. I strive to experience the life of a true journalist, one who seeps passion in every article, broadcast and news brief I contribute. This is who I intend to become, and Northwestern University is the place where I hope to bring my dreams to light.

Anyone have any suggestions?