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"To persue studies on a dedicated level" - Common App. Transfer Essay

mollymango 1 / -  
Jul 20, 2009   #1
I was always sure who I wanted to be...until college. When it came time to apply to colleges my junior and senior year or high school, I had no idea where to start. My counselor, of course supplied me with a list of suggested schools and college search websites, and along with input with my parents and peers, it should have been enough. But when it really comes down to it, looking back on my selection I realized these things were not enough, because what I had never considered were my own opinions.

I started to see college from the point of view of my peers, a time to re-invent ourselves, to change from the self that so despised high school. So I applied to schools that they suggested, that my parents seemed enthusiastic about, and complained whole-heartedly about my desire for high school to end. I got accepted to many universities but choose, in the end, to attend the same college my mother had: Saint Joseph's University. St. Joe's seemed comfortable to me- my mom had loved it, and I had spent time there during high school (one of my good friends had attended high school in the area) so I knew what to expect in terms of environment.

Recently, however, I realized something that changed my perspective about college entirely: I actually liked high school. Why did I want so much to change who I had been for those four years? I had chosen a school that reflected the conservative values of my parents in an attempt to distance myself from the person they had known me as, to make them happy. Through continued (and failed) attempts to please my parents, to transform myself into the person they had always wanted me to be, I lost track of what was really important: who I was. I refused for too long to admit defeat, and continued my education at St. Joe's but the deeper into studies I got, the more my emotions got the best of me, and the more I suffered academically. I came to a stand still when I realized just how miserable I was, not because of the school (which had been taking most of the blame) but because I was not being true to myself.

I decided to take the rest of the semester off to re-assess my values about college. Was it right for me? Maybe I should just work for a while? Being out in the working world, in an environment that would never become a career, but would only be a job, I realized how important it was for me to continue my education so I would be able to more intensely express my passions in a work environment later on in life.

I believe now that I am truly ready to pursue studies on a more dedicated (and successful) level. Now that I have taken adequate time to assess my learning struggles, I realize all that needed to change about my approach to school is my opinion of what learning is really for. I realize now that education is not only a means to and end, but an end in itself: the values and knowledge that I take from learning should be a way to enhance every aspect of my life, and from this moment on, I pledge to myself, as well as to my future University, to use them as such.
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Jul 20, 2009   #2
Oh, heavens, this is far too rambling to be acceptable as an application essay. The opening line is strong, but then you meander all over the place. This is like a journal entry. It's good as what we call "pre-writing" -- writing to figure out what you have to say -- but will not do as an essay. Say what you say here in no more than two paragraphs and then spend the rest of the essay specifically saying how you will "pursue studies on a more dedicated (and successful) level." What, other than your attitude is going to change? What will they see from you as a student and a member of the campus community if they accept you? How will you contribute to the campus while you are there and what will you do with your education after graduation?
schooler101 1 / 4  
Jul 22, 2009   #3
why don't you elaborate on why you took time off and why you want to come back. Maybe someone said something to you, or something happened that made you want to come back. You should stay on topic, why you want to go to school there and not ramble on what you did to find where you wanted to attend.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jul 27, 2009   #4
You should stay on topic

That about covers it. Provide us with the exact question you are supposed to be answering, and a draft that actually answers it, and that discusses nothing irrelevant to that answer.

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