This is the essay i did for the CommonApp, i really want to be sure about it so i would be grateful if someone can chack it to see if it makes sense :D
heres is the prompt:
Please write an essay (250-500 words) on a topic of your choice or on one of the options listed below.
A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
WELCOME TO THE WORLD FOLKLORIADA ANSEONG 2012
"Peru! Welcome to Anseong, South Korea!" After an entire day traveling, once that unbelievable phrase was said, a series of screams filled with joy, curiosity, excitement and happiness were heard at the Yangji Pine Resort, the hotel where we were about to spend our next nineteen best days of our lives in the other side of the world, the Asian continent.
The world Folkloriada takes place in different countries every 4 years, it is a huge event dedicated to my preferred cultural expressions: dancing and music. It is an opportunity for a country to show a glimpse of what their history has left them. This splendid event gives the opportunity to see various typical dances and to interact with the performers making it a much closer encounter.
The main place where the Folkloriada took place was called "The villa" which we called our second home, being the Yangi Pine Resort the first one. That's where all the magic happened, where we performed, where we took pictures with every Korean that screamed "Peru" with their characteristic accent, where we demonstrated our diversity of culture, of traditions, and of course where we had fun with every person of the other countries.
There was a place, far from the stages that was where every country had their own tent, to rest and to change customs to perform, in between there was a big empty space which we all turned into our rehearsal stage. Every country had their turn to dance, but not only that, it was a chance for the other countries to learn the dances that were being performed; at the end of rehearsal everybody would gather round to learn new moves, sing and play.
To be able to see that much quantity and quality of cultures in one place, all together and to experience that with my best friends, having the chance to do what we are passionate about and to show our pride of being a Peruvian and what it meant to us, is just priceless. It was a celebration that helped us understand the power of cultures and that the human race is amazingly varied and that we are unique and special in our own way.
As I was walking through the gate at the airport, I realized that the wonderful 21-day experience had ended, but what it meant to me and what it taught me, along with the new friends I had made, would stay in a very special part of my brain within all my memories and heart forever with a big thought: diversity is what makes us unique, what makes people and the world more entertaining, without it we would be like an empty canvas waiting to be painted with bright and vivid colors.
preferred - try to replace it with favourite.
To be able to see that much quantity and quality of cultures in one place, all together and to experience that with my best friends, having the chance to do what we are passionate about and to show our pride of being a Peruvian and what it meant to us, is just priceless
Very weird run - on sentence that is grammatically incorrect.
The chance to see the immense quantity and quality of cultures in one place with my best friends, was priceless.
You said 19 days in the beginning but ended it off with 21.
Good idea - just need to brush up on your grammar.
Help with mine?
