The following essay is still in need of a sense of individuality and livelihood. I'm all out of ideas. Can you help me please?
Prompt: Tell us about yourself. We know which activities you do and what your academic record looks like but what else should we know about you? What fun, cool, or interesting things about you won't fit into the categories on the application? Feel welcome to be clever or funny, or write in a way that reflects your personality.
"So you're Peruvianese," was the first thing my friend asked when I told him that I was half Peruvian. I wouldn't blame him because with a quick glimpse of me, you would think that I'm just plainly Chinese. For many, seeing a Chinese person who could speak fluent Spanish is more than unlikely. This strangeness comes from a mother who is South American and a father who is Asian, leaving me with two languages, plus English. Being a first generation American was difficult because I had to deal with the strange looks of others and racist rumors. The balancing of two different cultures is a separate battle that I face in that it can either stay with me or be lost to the outside pressures that tell me to "stop being so Asian," or "speak less Spanish." I slowly grew out of that uncomfortable circle and selected friends who would respect me for who I was. A constant support from my family also allowed me to retain a strong footing in all three cultures. I have a strong will to learn my cultures and become a living example of diversity. However, there were times when I had to overcome discrepancies in my cultural fulfillment, such as when my father passed away leaving me no one to teach me Chinese or loss of my grandfather who taught me almost all the Spanish I know. My culture is my identity, and to turn away from my culture, is the same as refusing myself life.
My culture is a mix of the South, East, and West. In my Dizi (Chinese bamboo flute) class I am with other students, many of Chinese decent, and it is as if I am catching up on a second life in a big city while being exposed to the cultural sounds of festivals common in China. When I'm in Peru with my grandparents, I get the feeling of connection with the ancient Incan tribes that once roamed through the marvelous city of Machu Picchu and the joy of cooking what many consider "exotic." Even being with friends here in the states has a strong impact on myself in that, I am the first American in my family and have an obligation to display that side of me as well. After having traveled to the lands of my parents and seeing the sights and sounds both have to offer, whether I'm in the highlands of Peru drinking chicha morada or the crowded streets of China eating dim-sum, I have no problem calling either of them home.
I think your essay is very interesting, and you present aspects that are unusual enough to make reading it enjoyable. The only thing I can think of to make it even more appealing would be a bit more humor. Do you have any funny stories about cultural clashes or misunderstandings that happened? Perhaps something with an "everything turned out OK in the end" type of feel? Essays with a "feel-good" sort of tone tend to stay with the reader and make the author more memorable. Search your memory banks for something like that, and if you can't come up with one, don't sweat it--it's really a very good essay!