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'My pessimism' - UC Prompt #1-describe the world you come from


Ando818 1 / -  
Nov 11, 2009   #1
Seven years ago, as I was simply watching television, my mother burst into the room hysterically crying. It was at that point that I knew something was amiss. However, due to my immaturity, I was sheltered from the ominous grief and therefore knew nothing regarding it. Eventually, I realized that my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer and need surgery urgently .

I still clearly recall that bitter October morning as I sat in the waiting room impatiently waiting for the five hour procedure that seemed to never end. Deep thoughts troubled me with contemplations of losing my grandmother. Knowing that her life was in the hands of the surgeon, I could not help but to pray for eminent success. Finally, as the doctor emerged from the elevator, his eyes did not seem to portray what news he brought with him. When he revealed that all was well and that five years was required for full recovery, I felt the immensity of the man standing before my family and I.

It amazed me how one person can change the course of another's life. At that point, I gained reverence to the extent of a saint; not only towards him, but to all individuals in the field of medicine. To numerous others, the environment presented in the hospital is that of hostility and forbiddance. Yet, to me it manifested itself as a place of hope, faith, and achievement. I felt a strong desire to become one of these great individuals where I would spend most of my career walking these great hallways ofï devotion to medicine. Knowing that demanding work and great perseverance is expected, psychologically no unconquerable obstacles lay on my path to pursue this field of study.

A minor obstacle that reflects my personal flaw is pessimism. My pessimistic perspective on life revolves around the idea that no matter how much effort and perpetual stamina I instill in something, I fear failure. Although this flaw may impair my ability to fully enjoy the fruits of life, I believe it helps me stay within reality's boundaries. It also aids me to stay cautions which prevents me from making ill judgements. Being who I am, I fully think through every consequence of any decision I make to ensure inevitable achievement.
cissylewel 5 / 24  
Nov 11, 2009   #2
personal opinion:
according to the prompt, you should describe the WORLD you come from. but what you described is one THING that affected your dream. you can't call a episode in your life a world...i think.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 12, 2009   #3
Let's try to get through this first part quicker, without unnecessary words:
...burst into the room hysterically crying. It was at that point that I knew something was amiss, but due to my immaturity, I was sheltered from the ominous grief and therefore knew nothing regarding it. (Now after that intriguing intro... I think you should end the first paragraph with a sentence that tells the theme for the essay: You had a wake-up call that prepared you ro be decisive in moments of importance.

Establish that as the essay's theme byu writing a sentence about it at the end of that first paragraph.

:-) That way, the reader will see it again at the end and be impressed with how you put forth that theme throughout the whole essay.
eckstein022 - / 1  
Nov 12, 2009   #4
I like the way you capture the readers attention, but i think that this might fall under the second prompt a little bit better.


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