Here is my UF essay. Please make any suggestions on how i can make it better. Thank you.
Topic: please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your family, your school or community activity or your involvement in areas outside of school.
Winston Churchill once said "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." In my 17 years, life has dealt me some bad cards. But, for every bad experience I decided to view it in a positive aspect. If you seek for the bad in every thing, then you will never know what it feels like to discover the good.
Growing up I have had to witness my mother struggle alone as a single parent. This is a formidable sight that no child should bear to see. Coming to America from Jamaica at the tender age of 17, my mother built a life for herself through perseverance and prayer. She paved her way through nursing school and became a LPN. However, even as a LPN, it wasn't easy raising a child, especially without any outside assistance. Nevertheless, no matter what vulnerable situation we were in she managed to paste a smile on her face for my sake. But, she was incognizant of the fact that I could detect her sadness through those translucent smiles. For years, she juggled two jobs to assure my happiness. Never once did she make me feel like I could not have the world. Experiencing her battle strengthened my determination to make sure that one day I could offer her the world.
From the minute I was born, my mother knew that I was going to be someone more than her; someone she would be proud of. While other kids would be reading their comic books, I would be swept up in my mother's medical books. Just like that I instantly developed a passion for medicine. With the medical field being so broad, the next step I would have to face would be discovering which area of study I want to specialize in.
I was hit with destiny in the summer of 2006. My mother and I visited our family in Kingston, Jamaica. While there we visited a children's hospital. The sight of the children was a heavy blow to my heart. The hospital was crowded with sick abandoned children born from teenage parents. The glum look in their eyes haunts me until this day. Right then and there I made a solid vow to become a pediatrician and make a difference in children's lives.
Extracting the good from both challenging experiences in my life has molded me into who I am today; a driven and hard working student that has a vision and will not lose sight of her goals. At the University of Florida, when I am faced with all the negative obstacles that life has in store for me, I will overcome them with optimism and convert the negative into something motivating.
"Winston Churchill once said, "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."
"In my 17 years, life has dealt me some bad cards, but for every bad experience I decided to view it in a positive light . If I sought out the bad in every thing, then I would never know what it feels like to discover the good."
"However, even as a LPN, it was not easy raising a child, especially without any outside assistance."
This is a great response, but I am not sure you have adequately answered all of the parts of their prompt. You've done a great job explaining this meaningful experience, but so far the "how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community" area remains unaddressed. If you add more in, either in a new paragraph or worked in throughout the existing sections, it will result in a more appropriate response which acknowledges every aspect of their question.
I hope this helps.
Yes, this helps a lot. Thank you very much for your suggestions.
I understand what your saying. However, i thought i mentioned how my experience will affect my college experience at UF in the last sentence of my essay.
You're very welcome. An admissions board is looking for a bit more than an one-liner as to how this will effect you during your time at their institution; usually the more inner-reflection and evaluation you can show on these matters the better.
