Phage Genomics Course Entrance Essay; discovery-based science interest - course participating

Hi,

For a class I want to be in for the fall semester, I have to apply by writing an essay. The instructions are: Please submit an essay (approximately 400-500 words) describing why you want to participate in the course. You can refer to the description for information on the course. Your essay will be evaluated on the following criteria:

* an interest in doing discovery-based science
* a willingness to carry a major responsibility for your own learning
* an attitude of independence of thought and action

I've written an essay, but could you guys please help me edit it? Tell me what you think? I really want to be in this class. Thank you so much in advance.

positive experience with both genetics and research

On the first day of my Molecular Genetics class, a lab-based class, I was surprised to learn that in addition to several labs, our class would also be competing in the UC Berkeley research bioengineering competition. Our class would be split into groups and each group would have to identify a problem and research a potential solution to this problem using bioengineering principles. Then, we would go to UC Berkeley and present our problem, research, and solution to a panel of professors in the bioengineering department, our success in which would be a large portion of our second semester grade.

In the months leading up to our trip to Berkeley, I dreaded the project. However, three months later, after finishing the project, I found myself surprised at how much I enjoyed it. Our group took the problem of world hunger, the lay man's term for nutritional edema, and after thorough research, came up with the solution of genetically modified rice that would produce all nine essential amino acids. This rice would be given to impoverished and malnourished countries and would help cure nutritional edema. Because this project was purely theoretical, we never got to actually genetically modify the rice, which was disappointing to me. Though I had originally dreaded the project, I found that after completing it, I actually wanted to continue the project.

Not only did I enjoy the experience, but it inspired me and gave me direction in what I wanted to do for a career. I've always loved solving problems and helping people and knew that I wanted to do something in the fields of neuroscience and psychology. But after that project, it suddenly clicked: research was the right path for me. The project showed me how invaluable the realm of research is in solving the world's forefront problems in science. And now I know that I want to be a part of solving the most prevalent issues in neuroscience and psychology through genetics research. I want to help cure mental illnesses, a seemingly rising issue in today's society, by helping discover which genes contribute to causing them. Not only would I find the class material fascinating, but the research involved in the Phage Genomics class would prepare me for what I want to do. Given that I want to do discovery-based research into which genes contribute to certain mental illnesses, having a background in discovery-based research with bacteriophages in the Phage Genomics class would significantly prepare me for my goals. My positive experience with both genetics and research has influenced my career path and has motivated me to continue exploring and quenching my curiosity about the fascinating worlds of genetics and research. Because of these experiences and after learning about the class, I am very excited about potentially taking Phage Genomics and learning more about the fields and techniques that I hope to make and use in my career.

Cassie, while this is a very interesting essay, it does not actually represent the required information to prove your interest in Phage Genomics. While you speak of a very important point in time when your were compelled, rather than enticed, to develop your work, cooperatively, in this related field, it does not provide a solid foundation with regards to your interest in the course. Rather than speaking of how you took a course, joined a competition, and then gained an interest from there, you should be presenting an out of class interest in the field of study. Before you took this class in Molecular Genetics, what kind of independent research, study, or related involvement did you have in the field? You need to show an independent line of thinking that proves you can learn on your own and develop relevant study results that others can also learn from. Truth be told, there is nothing in this essay that will make it competitive enough when made to stand side by side with more experienced and interesting application essays. Your essay falls short of presenting the following important information:

1. A willingness to carry a major responsibility for your own learning
2. An attitude of independence of thought and action