Prompt: Describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your family, your school or community activities, or your involvement in areas outside of school.
Essay:
Philmont Boy Scout Ranch is the summer hike everyone in Troop 62 looked forward to. After two years of preparation for the 64 mile trek, we boarded a bus with the ranger that was assigned to our crew. Looking back at those eleven days I spent on the trail, I began to correlate each day of the trek to each year of my dedication to Scouting.
The first two days seemed to be the hardest. Blisters and aches from the new hiking gear; adjusting to low humidity and 114 degree temperatures; navigating new territory; setting up camp-we needed the ranger. These first two days on the trail were much like the first few years Scouting. As Cub Scouts, we relied on our fathers to plan campouts and pack everything for us.
The third through seventh days were easier. Adjusted to the daily routine, we hiked a couple thousand feet up a mesa for five miles. The view was truly magnificent; Black Mountain and our final destination, the Tooth of Time distant in the horizon. Together, they squashed our confidence of completing the trek. These four days resembled Weblos. We became accustomed to how the troop works, and what Scouting is really about. Our fathers no longer packed our backpacks, we assumed more responsibilities.
On day nine, Mt. Phillips stood towering before us. By now, our crew had switched roles with the advisors; we were in charge. Our second to final task was to the summit-straight up the steepest grade. Six grueling hours later, I was standing seven thousand feet higher than when I woke up. I could see the mountains of Colorado and Utah, the plains of Kansas and Oklahoma. Like the Eagle Scout project that is required to attain the rank of Eagle, this climb tested our endurance, leadership and preparedness.
The final hike to the Tooth of Time was the most strenuous of all. Carrying two day's supply of water, we hiked thirteen miles back and forth up switchback trails leading to the peak. Exhausted, we stood in awe. Finally, we made it. In the distance stood the tiny mesa we had hiked the third day, the mesa that almost turned us back! The "impossible" journey was completed-whether it was trek up the Tooth of Time, or the trek to Eagle Scout.
My experience in Scouting has helped me develop the qualities of leadership, honor, perseverance and striving for excellence. I realize it is my duty to use these qualities to benefit my family and my community, and will do so at UF. I will lead by example, serving others while demonstrating that success, while elusive, can be achieved.
The trek at Philmont was not an easy journey; it was a life changing experience. The road to Eagle Scout was long and filled with twists and turns. Together these experiences will help me endeavor. "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."- Winston Churchill
What do you think?
I'm thinking of using the same subject for my UCF essay also. The prompts i would be responding to are
2. How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?
4. What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?
Is this a good idea, or will it be shot down by the admissions officers? For the UCF version of this essay, i plan to shrink the story down a little, and add a paragraph about my unique characteristics.
Thanks,
Chris
Good evening :)
I think your content is good, but the focus is wrong. The prompt asks you to describe how this experience will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You spend a great deal of time and energy describing the event, and the introspective evaluation is stuck on to the end and only measures a few sentences. This makes the focus of the piece the event, and the brief analysis of it seem like an afterthought. Depending on your word count restrictions, you could remove a good deal of the details as to the experience and spend them acknowledging the remainder of the prompt. Also, I didn't see you discuss how you and this experience will contribute to the campus community at any length; at the most you write one sentence.
The board won't be interested in the experience as much as they will its effects on you and how it will effect their institution; that should be the focus of your paper and where you spend the most discussion/evaluation/description/time.
I think if you are going to reuse this piece for another prompt you should make sure that it is tailored to that prompt and that you acknowledge all of the facets of their question(s).
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
