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Philosophical Latin words that have shown through in my life "Vires, Artes, Mores"


Matzie1226 1 / -  
Nov 26, 2010   #1
The prompt is...The Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

The values of the words Vires and Artes have been reflected in my life many times throughout the past couple years. When I started high school about three years ago it did not take me long to realize that the next four years were going to be a challenge. I knew that I had to accept the challenge of balancing honor academic classes and my plethora of extra curricular activities. I especially learned how to balance my school work and put my cheerleading skills to use for a good cause.

The word , "Vires" signifies strength, might, power, and influence. As a student I have shown intellectual strength by taking classes that will give me a better sense of college course work. I take classes that are harder than some of the common classes taken at my school. Although these classes could be difficult I always try my best to be successful. I have always been a student that likes to challenge myself on a regular basis. This has taught me the importance of staying strong through difficult times because not everything is going to be easy. Also, as a strong willed student I have achieved something that has always been a dream of mine. From the start of fifth grade, I wanted to have perfect attendance up until the day of my high school graduation. This dream has been fulfilled as of this point, and I intend to continue this exceptional record until the end of the year and through my many years of college. This aspect of my life shows my physical strength. I have to keep my body and mind healthy so I can attend school every day to learn as much as possible. These strengths allow me to overcome weaknesses so I can achieve my best.

The word, "Artes" refers to the beauty within a skill, craft, or art. Throughout my early years, I was a cheerleader up until eighth grade. My love for cheerleading seemed to come to an end when I did not make my high school cheerleading squad. Luckily cheerleading never completely exited my life because I was able to pass on my skills to young girls that were aspiring to be cheerleaders. I started to coach a local youth cheerleading squad in eighth grade, and I have continued this work into my senior year. I was a leader to these girls by teaching them basic moves, sideline cheers, and halftime routines. These girls went on to win multiple competitions within the past three seasons. I hope that my cheerleading skills that I have passed onto these girls will allow them to achieve their goals. I hope that my experience shows them that even when something might seem like it has ended there is always an alternative.

These experiences and accomplishments have opened my eyes to my many strengths and skills. These strengths will help me to achieve great things as a student at Florida State University.

Can you give me your honest feelings on this essay and maybe point out some corrections? Thanks!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 3, 2010   #2
You did a great job.

I don't think you should define the words in the TOPIC SENTENCES for the paragraphs.
I think you should also get rid of the word "that" whenever you can:
I hope that -my experience shows them that even when something might seem like it has ended there is always an alternative.

My biggest criticism is that the first sentence of each paragraph is uneventful and boring. What I mean is that those sentences do not help to give the reader an idea about what to think of you. I wish the first sentence of each paragraph would express an idea you want the reader to remember about you.

:-)


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