"philosophical outlook on individuals" - UofI undergraduate essay

I have been struggling to write a strong essay, and was hoping someone could give me advice and a lot of harsh criticism? It'd be much appreciated :)

I. Discuss your academic interests and/or professional goals.

Analyzing means looking beyond what is simply being seen. It means addressing the improbable and seeking creative means of approaching a situation. My philosophical outlook on individuals has guided much of my life, and as I aspire to be an undergraduate psychology student, I envision my future being full of speculation. I aim to construct a new path for future psychology students in hopes of finding innovative ways of viewing the human mind.

However, it was not until I reached highschool that I was able to identify with psychology. In my home room, I found a psychology textbook on my desk. While my innate love for learning drove me to explore the pages, it was finally being able to relate my ideas to concepts that fueled my fascination. During that same year a close friend of mine fell victim to schizophrenia. Her mother sat me down to explain that the simple paranoia and anxiety they thought my friend had, actually turned into a disease. She was sent away several times which made keeping up with school and helping her difficult, but as a result, I learned that psychology could be used for application. Concepts, such as unconditional positive regard, became more than just terms - it was a lifestyle I adapted not only for her, but for everyone. When she returned from the psychiatric hospital and read to me that, "I am making a better thing to write you because you need to be told exactly how much you have inspired me," that I realized my niche for psychology. Reflecting on my past has driven me to realize how greatly my experiences transformed my perceptions. Newly obtained insight in psychology has helped me further realize my true capabilities to encourage those, like my friend, to unlock the depth behind themselves and the world around them.

One of my current concerns is structure. I'm not sure how I should have introduced, concluded, or even divide all of this up -- and if it should be divided up into separate paragraphs, what kinds of transitions to make.

Any ideas are welcome. :D

^It does not need to be creative, nor does analyzing mean addressing the improbable.

I am analyzing your essay. I am not looking for any creative means, nor am I addressing anything improbable.


^Perhaps for now, you should just focus on directly discussing your academic and/or professional interests.

You discuss how you came about to like psychology, but I did not think that your reasons were particularly powerful to prove that you actually have an ACADEMIC interest in the subject.


^Whilst it is always convenient that a book happened to be found, you do not actually prove that you have an innate love for learning for anything, let alone psychology.


^What book were you reading earlier, if you did not know this before?


^I do not understand what effect you are trying to have upon your readers with this sentence.