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Philosophy that everyone can accept: "Vires, Artes, Mores" FSU essay


lpnkylee01 1 / 1  
Aug 24, 2010   #1
Prompt:The Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

The values one has, makes them the person they are. Everyone has different values that guide them through life and the words Vires and Mores describe my values very well.

Vires describes the many strengths that one can have. I have very strong moral and intellectual strengths and nothing can change that. I am one of the people who can not be influenced one way if my moral compass points the other. I am proud of my moral strength and the fact that no one can change the path I am on except for myself. I believe that the intellectual strength that I possess is infinite. I have a very strong intellect and it is growing each and every day. I am always eager to learn more and want to obtain as much knowledge as possible.

My father went to Florida State University, so we would take a trip up to see a football game every year and the experiences were always unbelievable. He is so proud of Florida State and I have been looking forward to the day when I get to follow in his footsteps. The word Mores can relate to a kind of tradition and I am hoping that attending Florida State University can be a tradition in my family. Another thing that Mores can refer to is character. My character is what makes me stand out from everyone else. Unlike many people, I do not follow the crowd. I am an individual in many ways while those around me are just trying to fit in.

Despite the fact that the values that I have may be quite different from the values of others, the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University, "Vires, Artes, Mores", is philosophy that everyone can accept. It is a helpful guideline to being your own person.

I am not so good at writing essays, so any criticism would be greatly appreciated! thanks!
da_silent1 1 / 8  
Aug 24, 2010   #2
strengths that one canI have

try to type the rest of your essay in your point of view. There's no need to use such words like "one".

I have very strong moral and intellectual strengths and nothing can change that

Okay it's good that you have those characteristics, but as my teachers love to say "show dont tell" meaning give us at least an example to let us see that in you.

so we would take a trip up to see a football game every year and the experiences were always unbelievable

not too sure that I like that sentence structure. To me it's too long. Play around with the wording a bit.

word Mores canbe related to a kind of tradition

Words like "can" show readers that you are hesitant when it comes to word choice and you don't want to show that to them.

Overall, it's a good essay. It needs some more working on. Like said before show us specific examples that showcase your characteristics. Other than that great job!!! :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Aug 27, 2010   #4
The values one has, makes them the person they are. Everyone has different values that guide them through life and the words Vires and Mores describe my values very well. Nope, none of this! Don't say general things about virtues and values... get right to the point:

That second para is full of claims you make, but they need to be supported with evidence. One way to give evidence is to tell us about the SOURCE of your strength. People only have strength when they care very much about something.

:-)
donrocks 5 / 120  
Sep 3, 2010   #5
YOUR FIRST PARA
1. 8 i 's in your one sentence. BIG PROBLEM. you sound assertive and off dominant nature to reader. need to improve.
2. the first para is about general sentences. you need give some evidence to support your statements. like some activity or school participation anything to prove your point. your first para kills the essay.

work on it. best of luck...


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