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'philosophy of science' - Stanford Intellectual vitality essay - mentoring


sarthakjain 19 / 58  
Dec 24, 2012   #1
prompt: Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.

please review this essay. I think It is right now a little haphazard. please help me make it smoother and interesting. Also, please point out any grammatical mistakes. Any help will be appreciated.

Once in their life, every student curses his teacher for one or the other reason - lots of homework, teaching late, taking extra classes and the like. And I am no exception to this phenomena. But the summer of 2012, I learnt a widely unrecognized fact - teaching is not for weak hearted. It requires strength of warrior, determination of presidential candidate and love for what you teach. But more importantly, you gain a better understanding of your own knowledge. It is an intellectual roller coaster, one which I rode on when I mentored my fellow students on the different aspects of web development and machine learning, which I have been studying since my freshman year.

At the beginning of summer break, I decided to share my knowledge with my peers, thus setting up a class for the same. I got thirty registrations, much more than what I expected and so started the ride. As the track become steeper, I encountered my first inversion - one of the student asked me an insightful question about regression - which I wasn't able to answer. How much should we believe what we predict? Engrossed in the technicalities, I realized I have lost the real life implications of what I have studied. For days I pondered over the question, searching for answer in the formulae and academic texts, but to no avail. The experience was an eye opener, a discernment into the philosophy of science. Through the course of eight weeks, such experiences made me understand the subject much more clearly, much more deeply. I was a new person with a stronger grasp on my own knowledge, an intellectually developed person.

I have 400 characters left , please suggest an interesting ending too.
OP sarthakjain 19 / 58  
Dec 24, 2012   #2
Also please review this one too . its also for stanford.

prompt : What matters to you, and why?

"Studying" - that was my answer when my interviewer for a scholarship asked me what my hobby was. A faint smile lit up my face as I witnessed the same expression of confusion I have seen almost each time I was asked this question. Studying in its common sense is generally not considered to be an extracurricular or a hobby, it always carry a label of an infliction upon lives of young. But for me, it is the single most relaxing activity of my life. Not a specific subject, no, but just about anything which can provide me knowledge interests me - which include, but not limited to ancient Egypt, Java programming, Shakespeare's plays and neurobiology. Most of my free time is utilized for searching video lectures over the internet on my eclectic tastes in education, downloading free eBooks from torrent or spending time in a lightly stocked local library, trying to gain an insight into something unknown. Each single piece of information I gain makes me an exhilarated and my hands clearly gets goosebumps - I shivered as I discovered how old kingdom fell in Egypt, how to create those geeky looking codes, and how tiny neurons of brain control my study of themselves. I feel like I am flying out of this world, leaving behind all the negativity and problems as I enter the place where no societal issues reside, an abode of pure knowledge. As I lose myself in the lap of words and sentences, I feel I am free, free from some unknown form of bondage that doesn't let me reach my full potential. No, I don't study for the sake of passing in examination, not for the way of society but for that sheer sense of euphoria I feel, each time I explore the unexplored. Yes, Studying - this is what matters to me.

does it answer the prompt, because I have a strong feeling it doesn't :P
MiaB 8 / 25  
Dec 25, 2012   #3
I feel like it does answer it ! I love the Second essay; especially the beginning.

and , in the 1st one : I think it's better to say "one or another" instead of "one or the other" reason .
karizma101 4 / 16 5  
Dec 25, 2012   #4
they both have really catchy introductions and unique approaches. I love them! they do answer the prompts so you're good!
Good luck!
-fellow stanford applicant
OP sarthakjain 19 / 58  
Dec 25, 2012   #5
thanks for the reviews
college134nj - / 44 7  
Dec 25, 2012   #6
i third that! both answer the prompt well... the 2nd one is a very unique answer. not to mention, interesting!
thespoonguy 6 / 23 1  
Dec 25, 2012   #7
the first essay is good but since you have 400 characters left why not give us a little more insight into who this new you is?

but to no avail. The experience was an eye opener

and this seems a little abrupt. i feel like its missing something in between the experience and the conclusion. i may be wrong but take a look and see if you want to add something there.

and the second one is really good! i like the end. u should probably get maybe your english teacher to look through your grammar though. there's a few errors in both essays.
OP sarthakjain 19 / 58  
Dec 25, 2012   #8
thanks for the reviews and appreciation. i will surely correct the grammar.


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