Please be honest with feedback. Any help is greatly appreciated. I hope I haven't confused anyone and made it uncomprehendable.
I've always felt that physicists have gone down the wrong road ever since we started dwelling into particle physics. The quest for "what are we really made of?" has been never ending.
I was first introduced to this concept a few months ago by my physics teacher who talked about 'fundamental' particles called quarks. I did not believe that quarks were our core elements because there were so many variations of them. My belief of a single deity also made me skeptical to believe that quarks were the basis of who we are. Regardless of my opinion on the topic, I was hooked.
Digging deeper, I found out about the Higgs Boson or the "God particle" as physicists call it. According to Peter Higgs' theory, this particle is present in all matter. I found a similarity between Higgs' theory and the belief of many religions in the world; claiming a divine presence is all around and within us. The correlation between this religious belief and the Higgs Boson got me thinking about the 'God' in everything.
I wanted to merge the two and prospect further. Going a step further, I believe that 'God' itself was the core element of matter. If we broke down all the matter in the world today; cars, trees and even humans, we would find a divine presence.
If scientists at CERN are able to prove that there is such a thing as the Higgs Boson, then science and religion would have common ground and the two paths would be amalgamated into one understanding.
Hey!
I think ur first paragraph does not have a clear link to the rest of the passage- it actually sounds like you do not want to study particle physics and find them uninteresting! A stronger start will do better justice to this essay (:
Could you look at mine? Thanks(:
Any more suggestions?
Thanks helloworld1 :)
I'll definitely look at your essays
I agree with helloworld1, in that the first paragraph seems unrelated to the rest of the essay. It is an interesting concept, but the overall essay is a little hard to understand. It's a little bit difficult to see how the essay would follow the prompt. My main suggestion is to tweak the organization and make it explain your prompt more clearly.
I think that the topic is great! I was very intrigued by it and I think that it follows the prompt perfectly in showing that you find commonalities in completely different subjects and can bring those things together.
I would have to disagree with the other posters about the beginning paragraph. I think the problem is that you didn't complete your thought, so it seems like you are bashing particle physics when really what you are trying to say is that that was your previous opinion while your current opinion is different based upon this new finding. (long sentence, sorry :))
Suggestions:
I was first introduced to this concept a few months ago by my physics teacher who talked about 'fundamental' particles called quarks. Regardless of my opinion on the topic, I was hooked. I didn't believe that quarks were our core elements; mainly because there were so many variations of them. Attending regular spiritual congregations, I believed in a divine intervention in a single entity.
I was first introduced to this concept a few months ago by my physics teacher who talked about 'fundamental' particles called quarks. I did not believe that quarks were our core elements because there were so many variations of them. My belief in the divine intervention of a single deity also made me skeptical to believe that quarks were the basis of who we are. Regardless of my opinion on the topic, I was hooked.
Digging deeper, I found that the Higgs Boson was a particle that physicists claimed to be the 'God' particle. According to Peter Higgs' theory, this particle was present in all the matter in the universe and fitted the Standard Model of particle physics.
This was similar to a concept adopted in religions all over. Holy books of Christianity, Islam, and Hinduism etc. claim of a divine presence all around and within us. Effectively, they say that there is a 'God' in everything around us. This got me thinking about the correlation with this belief and the Higgs Boson.
Digging deeper, I found out about the Higgs Boson, or the "God particle" as physicists call it. According to Peter Higgs' theory, this particle is present in all matter. I found a similarity between Higgs' theory and the belief of many religions in the world that a divine presence is all around and within us. The correlation between this religious belief and the Higgs Boson got me thinking about the "God" in everything.
This was similar to a concept adopted in religions all over. Holy books of Christianity, Islam, and Hinduism etc. claim of a divine presence all around and within us. Effectively, they say that there is a 'God' in everything around us. This got me thinking about the correlation with this belief and the Higgs Boson.
I wanted to merge the two and prospect further. The Higgs Boson believed that there was a singular fundamental particle present in all matter. Religion says that there is divinity in everything that exists. If scientists at CERN are able to prove that there is such a thing as the Higgs Boson, then science and religion would have common ground;the two paths would be amalgamated into one understanding.
Good luck! Hope I helped :)
Digging deeper, I found out about the Higgs Boson, or the "God particle" as physicists call it.
I found a similarity between Higgs' theory and the belief of many religions in the world; claiming a divine presence is all around and within us.
-incorrect use of a semicolon. both sentences should be complete (subject and predicate)
Going a step further, I believe that 'God' itself was the core element of matter.
-the pronoun for "God" would not be "itself", usually it would be "himself" or "herself" depending on some beliefs
If we broke down all the matter in the world today; cars, trees and even humans, we would find a divine presence.
-incorrect use of a semi-colon
Hope I helped :)
