Physics, astronomy and human exploration - Interests in Aerospace Engineering

Hello,

I'm currently attending a community college and looking to transfer to Georgia Tech. I've never been a strong writer so any advice on this admission essay would be greatly appreciated. Thank you very much! Theres a 2000 character limit and as it is right now it's at 1999. The topic is what are my interests within my selected program of study (Aerospace Engineering).

Panting and out of breath, I reached the top of Camelback Mountain. Scottsdale and Phoenix looked incredibly small as I gazed from the mountaintop. Although my eyes were looking down on the ant-sized people, my mind was looking to the sky for an even greater perspective. I wondered to myself the significance of the human race outside our world. I'll never forget that feeling because at this moment my curiosity in the universe arose which led to my three main interests within Aerospace Engineering. The first of which would be physics. Just the thought that you can describe a great portion of the known universe through concepts and mathematical equations is astonishing. It's quite intriguing how more questions often seem to arise through discoveries within physics. I enjoy keeping updated on current findings by reading recent articles in physics as well as astronomy, which is my second interest in Aerospace Engineering. Neil deGrasse Tysons' Death by Black Hole was the first astronomy book I read and it changed the way I looked at the universe. I eagerly purchased a telescope to see what I've been learning about. Just outside my stepfather's Wisconsin summerhouse there're truly dark skies; you can see the beautiful Milky Way stretch from the horizon. The first night seeing the magnificent planet Jupiter was beyond fascinating. Human exploration, my third interest, has always been an interest of mine but after observing celestial objects within our universe with my own eyes, it became a dream. It may be designing a thruster on a space probe or physically exploring as an astronaut but being any part in the history of human exploration would be the utmost achievement in my life. To accomplish this dream is the backbone to my motivation. I never would've thought simply climbing a mountain would've led to such an incentive. I have confidence to fulfill my personal dream but with my interests in Aerospace Engineering, I'm inspired to help make a difference in the industry.

Grant, you have written an essay that really brings not only the development of your interest in Aerospace Engineering, but also your interest in the world around you. The method by which you presented the development shows a logical connection from your personal questions, to the discovery of its simple answers, and the growing complications regarding the answers to your ever increasing questions about the relationship between space and the continued development of man.

However, your forgot to proof read the essay. while you were able to properly refer to most of the proper nouns in the essay, you forgot to capitalize the 3 areas of interest that you have in the field. So if you will just capitalize the first letter of the words Physics, Astronomy, and Human Exploration in your essay, that very minor editing problem will be resolved.

As for bringing down your word count, you should look into revising your introduction. Rather than wasting your time by setting up the essay through your adventure are Camelback Mountain, just respond directly to the central theme of the prompt. This essay is one of those topics that the reviewers do not wish to spend too much time sorting through. They need immediate answers, so if you open with the reference to your first point of interest immediately, the reviewer's interest will be better hooked. When you have a character limited essay, you need to just get direct to the point. There is no time to waste. The attention of the reviewer will not be on your paper for long.

I liked the way you summed up the objective of the essay :)

And for the intro, it used to make more sense but yeah now it kind of just seems plopped in there.
I'll start the essay more connected to the interests instead.

Thanks for the advice Louisa!