Hey everyone, I have already submit this but please share your comments as to what you think :)
Why UChicago?
In the large jigsaw puzzle called, Cosmos, I want to help humanity piece as many fragment of knowledge as I can. The path of contribution that I have chosen is through physics and astrophysics. I wish to immerse myself in this ancient and ambitious inquiry promptly. University of Chicago manages two national laboratories, the Argonne National Laboratory (ANL) and the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory (FNAL). UChicago is also home to the Kavli Institute for Cosmological Physics (KICP).Through the university's Jeff Metcalf Internship Program, research opportunities at ANL are offered; similarly the FNAL and KICP, both offer internship opportunities for undergraduates. Aside from the facility, UChicago is heralded for it receptive faculty who warmly welcome and encourage undergraduates' involvement in research activities. Whether it is conducting a research in particle physics at FNAL, or a research about climate change at ANL or a research about dark energy and dark matter at KICP, or a research with faculty member, UChicago provides me with ample opportunities for me to begin piecing the fragments of knowledge.
Motivated by my desire I am pursuing a future in the field of science, in astrophysics particularly. My aspiration of becoming an astrophysicist would not be sufficed just by the conventional knowledge of the field. The field of science requires its pursuers to have curious and questioning minds and have the ability to skillfully answer the questions that concern their surroundings and the Universe. The Common Core, associated with UChicago's highly academic culture, aids students in directing their own process of scientific inquiry, critically evaluating data, and clearly communicating their idea and developing skills fundamental to scientific pursuit such as innovative problem solving, articulate communication, and critical thinking. More importantly, the Common Core builds the most fundamental skill in science, the ability to continue asking questions. The skills and abilities acquired from the Common Core curriculum are the few skills which will be the most important skills and abilities that I will have in the future.
Aside from the myriad of opportunities and the brilliant Core curriculum, UChicago fosters an intellectually active and diverse community. This environment, which exposes me to new ideas and perspectives and refines my views and thoughts through the process of questioning and defending, strengthens my mental faculties. UChicago with it free and open inquiry nature fosters thought leadership by challenging conventional thinking and accepted wisdom; every ideas regardless of its speaker are judged on merit alone. UChicago's undergraduate community, made up of just more than 5000 students from all over the United States and the world, houses diversity of perspectives, experiences and opinions. With fewer 20 students in 80 percent of classes, these diverse ideas and perspectives lead to thought-provoking debates among students and their professors. Surrounded by this environment I hope to defend ideas, explore new notions and expand my thinking in order to strengthen my mental faculties which will aid me in my inquiry.
Carl Sagan, who I deeply admire and introduced me to UChicago said, "Extraordinary claim requires extraordinary evidence," thus my reasons above are my evidence for my desire to be an UChicago student.
Optional
God Delusion by Richard Dwakins is one of my favorite books because of the philosophical value it holds to me. Although I have yet to immerse myself in the works of philosophies of the greatest philosophers like that of Plato's, Kant's, Descartes' and others, the book, God Delusion, has certainly made impact on my disposition towards my surrounding and my methods of thinking. God Delusion's impact can be summed by the quote, "Do not indoctrinate your children. Teach them how to think for themselves, how to evaluate evidence, and how to disagree with you." The author, Richard Dawkins, discourses about the impact of religion on humanity in its entirety and its individuality, probes and criticizes the arguments of religion and then discusses the issues of religion and morality. Although the completion of the book did not produce Dawkins' desired outcome of abandonment of my religion, Hinduism; the seeds of new notion of questioning and skepticism did eventually did lead me to that outcome. I grew up in Hindu family, albeit a very moderate one, and when my family and I came to United States I would proclaim myself to be a Hindu when asked. Dawkins made me realize that my proclamation did not arise out of my own consensus but rather it was forced upon me by my environment. The biggest implication that Dawkins provided in God Delusion was not to abandon my religion but to be a skeptic and to question authority.
Cosmos: A Personal Voyage is my favorite television show because of the impact it has had on me. Cosmos introduced me to and deepened my interest in the field of astronomy through the voyages that it took me on. With Cosmos, I traveled to Mars one episode, then to Andromeda Galaxy on next episode and then to the beginning of the Universe when the Universe was just a single point in another episode. My young mind could scarcely begin to comprehend the new ideas, phenomena and objects so I watched in a complete awe. Like any human being when presented with new and previously unexplained object or phenomena act afterwards out of sheer desire driven by curiosity to understand and explain the new object, I too was motivated to look further and understand what I had seen. After countless hours of rummaging through myriad of astronomy books, I began to see the universe in a new light, and bathed in this new knowledge and I desired to further understand and discover more of the Universe. Cosmos and Carl Sagan, the creator and host of Cosmos, showed me that the universe is far more mysterious and magnificent than previously thought. Carl Sagan said, "We are a way for the cosmos to know itself." Inspired and attracted subtly, I desire to learn more of the universe in which we all inhabit.
First impressions are as important, if not more so, than actually reading the essay itself. After all, an admissions officer have to read through hundreds, if not thousands, of essays. So, when I am faced with a gigantic wall of text, I am not extremely encouraged. Indent or put a space between your paragraphs. From what I see right now, there's 3 large paragraphs and 1 small one in the first essay; I think you can separate them into more paragraphs.
I really like the details about UC you put in this. This essay won't make sense if the name is replaced by another university, which is great. Your grammar seems fine at a glance (I'm not nitpicking right now).
Optional:
Although I have yet to immerse myself in the works of philosophies of the greatest philosophers like that of Plato's, Kant's, Descartes' and others, the book, God Delusion, has certainly made impact on my disposition towards my surrounding and my methods of thinking
Run-on sentence right here.
Hinduism; the seeds
You don't need a semi-colon here, it just breaks the flow of the phrase.
There is no connection between God Delusion and Cosmos. It's a bit jarring. The conclusion is beautiful, but doesn't relate to God Delusion at ALL.
You write really well.
I am currently reworking my why chicago essay.
I think you answered the prompt by meshing " why you fit UChicago"-your personality and "why UChicago fits you"
But i see alot of facts about UC and not alot of your desire, which might be a good thing or not.
I know you want to be an astrophysics.why?
I like the part about the environment of UC but you were kind of repetitive when you talked about question, defend....
Motivated by my desire I am pursuing a future in the field of science, in astrophysics particularly. My aspiration of becoming an astrophysicist would not be sufficed just by the conventional knowledge of the field. The field of science requires its pursuers to have curious and questioning minds and have the ability to skillfully answer the questions that concern their surroundings and the Universe. WHAT MOTIVATES YOU.
"The field of science...." nice but it think you can make this personal
Overall, i know alot about chicago frrom this essay and why UC is a great place to study astrophysics, but are you. you just need a little personal touch, think.
Great writing. this is really good the way it already. But you can never be satisfied.right
WHAT DO THINK ABOUT MY WHY CHICAGO ESSAY
