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"Physics was draining my mind" - Academic Achivement

christ13 1 / 1  
Mar 20, 2011   #1
Hi everyone, this my some first writing for undergraduate admission. I'm gonna apply to SP Jain.

I had to write no more than 250 words.

Prompts : Write about Exceptional Academic Achievement

Since i don't have any prestigious achievement in academic, i wrote about my struggle in physics.
I don't think it hit all the necessaries. I hope for your comment. Please let me know whether something need to be revised, as soon as possible, since i have to submit my aplication in a week.

Thanks a lot for your advance. :)

Education is the knowledge of putting one's potentials into maximum capacity. Human being is not in the proper level until they are educated. Each person has their own academic achievement. It can start from nothing into large amount, also it can be worthy to him but not for others. My achievement was when I finally got some highest scores on physics.

There is proverb say Opportunity follows struggle, it follows effort, it follows hard work, it doesn't come before. It applied here. High school and junior high, both of them have its speed, high school is faster. Once I went to this school, I had to adapt to its atmosphere, velocity in study, each teacher-teaching styles.

Physics - one of the subjects - was draining my mind. Actually, I'm not good at physics. It was not simple to learn all chapters, must keep a lot of formulas and theories in mind in short time. I had to find my new learning style in order to get easier in study, always paid attention when the teacher explained and be more active. Sometimes, it made me study until late in the night for understanding the lesson.

For physics, we couldn't easily understand by just reading the formula, we needed an explanation. There was an unpleasant teacher who rarely explained the lesson, made my difficulties in studying. Needed more fight in test-taking. Bad scores are common at first, ups and downs, must go through this. I made it eventually. Things were paid off.
Rajiv 55 / 400  
Mar 23, 2011   #2
I'm not sure what Kevin and Susan think about this kind of editing. I tried making the essay understandable, and even impressive, so the reader will take him seriously.

The writer has things to say but he isn't getting them across, and a reader could interpret expressions differently. How much effort will an admission officer make to understand him ? How much help is going too far -- as in misrepresenting him ?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 23, 2011   #3
How much effort will an admission officer make to understand him ?

This depends on the wisdom of the admission person. And as for going too far or not far enough, that is something I think about a lot. I guess my opinion is like this: it is egotistical of me to make much of my writing or of writing in general, as though I am some kind of connoisseur. It is better if I jam with the essayist like musicians sitting in a circle.

Thanks for the work you did here, Rajiv!

First sentence:
Education helps bring one's potential to its maximum. A human being ...

Christian, are you able to understand the corrections? Do you have a question about them? Please type the essay, and use the corrections if you can. Type it in a post below.

Then, we can look to see if you still have errors. Maybe you will have to make some changes so that it expresses your real meaning.

Rajiv 55 / 400  
Mar 23, 2011   #4
It is better if I jam with the essayist like musicians sitting in a circle.

This I totally love !
NicoleCA - / 1  
Mar 26, 2011   #5
It was so kind of Rajiv and the ability to correcting an essay like this.

There is one thing you can make your essay flow more dramatically to impress the readers; especially, those admission officers who need to read thoudsnad of essay everyday. Whose essay can standout in such limited words depends on who can use the climax more dramtic to influence reder's emotion.

Deepen your struggle description, and ending in a high note of acing your study with the score you achieved would make this short essay a hearttouching story.

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