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My physics teacher, the person who made an impact on me; UT Austin essay


31eeld 1 / -  
Nov 28, 2012   #1
Urgency is appreciated but I would like quality comments more. Thank you!

Prompt 1 for UT is: Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.

A catalyst.

A substance that speeds up a reaction - a precursor to a big change. Throughout my short, short life I have several people that I have admired and strived to be like. But the most important impact was the first I had in my academic life. If anyone the catalyst to my progress as a proactive student, it was in 9th grade with Mr Porter.

Really there were only two things that he did right as my teacher to push me into taking my education into my own hands. The first thing was the conduct of his lessons which easily provided me with knowledge. I remember one of my earliest lessons in physics; Mr Porter had positioned himself in front of the class on the far right end of a line of 6 students. Left and right of me, the faces of my 9th grade physics classmates lit up to the prospect of 6 burly rugby boys dancing on the spot - bumping into each other down the line, attempting to simulate what happens when particles heat up from one end of a metal rod. That was just the kind of teacher he was. Something about the way he took control of the class; much like an artist making full use of the medium he/she worked with, he designed lessons that were accessible and engaging with a dual purpose: to get the subject matter across to us and to invoke challenges and ideas. I can still recall the days of Malay public school prior to my moving to the U.S. In particular was a Math teacher in 3rd grade who I never even heard the name of. This particular teacher would come to "teach" almost always ten minutes late. He would open up the most suitable textbook for our grade and write the three longest questions on the board and left. So you can imagine how Mr Porter's lessons solidified the base for my knowledge and understanding.

But I think the most important thing he could have done was dedicate himself to my learning on a personal level. I've had teachers reprimand me for tanking tests and given me the lecture after class. It didn't bother me then because partially I could convince myself that I had a chance at doing better next time. But Mr Porter had a different policy; if anyone was struggling to understand the material they would have to stay back after school to go over it. I found the experience strange; on the one hand, it was practical because I could ask him what about the material I had troubles with. But on the other hand, this level of involvement demonstrated a level of devotion which gave me the self-confidence to seek knowledge and learn on my own.

The two things that I recognized seemed simple enough and common place nowadays, but if I hadn't been introduced to Mr Porter when I did in 9th grade I don't think I would be taking my learning as seriously as I do today.
moon05 13 / 133 20  
Dec 7, 2012   #2
Throughout my short, shortvery short life I have had several people that I have admired and strived to be like.

But the most important impact on me was the firstone that I had in my academic life.

If anyone was the catalyst to my progress as a proactive student, it was Mr. Porter in 9th grade .

Aren't you trying to say that whoever is creating an impact on you is a catalyst? If, then here it should be Mr. Porter not the time of your 9th grade.

Really there were only two things that he did right as my teacher to push me into taking my education into my own hands.

Rephrase and change a little. Are you implying that, whatever he did rather than these two things were not right? You should be positive toward him as you are thinking his contribution is important in your life!

The first thing was the conduct of his lessons which easily provided me with knowledge. I remember one of my earliest lessons in physics; Mr Porter had positioned himself in front of the class on the far right end of a line of 6 students. Left and right of me, the faces of my 9th grade physics classmates lit up to the prospect of 6 burly rugby boys dancing on the spot - bumping into each other down the line, attempting to simulate what happens when particles heat up from one end of a metal rod. That was just the kind of teacher he was.

Give it another look. Rephrasing needed.

The second and the most important thing he did, was to dedicate himself to my learning on a personal level.

The two things that I recognized seems simple enough and common place nowadays, but if I hadn't been introduced to Mr Porter when I did in 9th grade I don't think I would be taking my learning as seriously as I do today.

The first line "A catalyst": it's good for a grabber. As you have added this you should also add something attractive in the last para, it's alike you are also ending the whole thing with something nice...
dumi 1 / 6924 1592  
Dec 7, 2012   #3
Really there were only two things that he did right as my teacher to push me into taking my education into my own hands.

Threre are too many "my's :D
There were two things that he did right to make me accountable for my own education.

The first thing was the conduct of his lessons which easily provided me with knowledge.

conduct? or the way he presented the lecture? ... I guess its the later one : )
Pahan 1 / 1904 553  
Dec 7, 2012   #4
Throughout my short, short life I have several people that I have admired and strived to be like.

I think one short would be sufficient.

But the most important impact was the first I had in my academic life.

This sentence is not clear to me. Please rephrase it.

Really there were only two things that he did right as my teacher to push me into taking my education into my own hands.

I'm assuming it was Mr Porter who helped you find the right path. I think it is better to say it like this.
There were only 2 things that Mr Potter did to make me realize what I should do with my education.

The first thing was the conduct of his lessons which easily provided me with knowledge.

Again there is something odd about this sentence.


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