The following is an essay on the below prompt for the Common Application, thus I am sending this to quite a few schools, so it is very important that I make it the best essay possible.
"Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence."
Walking into her unfamiliar house, I was bound to be intimidated, especially as twelve year olds tend to be when meeting adults for the first time. As I crossed the threshold of the doorway, I saw her completely for the first time. She seemed to tower over me, and the fact that I was only twelve at the time made her seem even taller. Several thoughts ran across my mind while my mom engaged in casual conversation with my possible future piano teacher, one of them being a question as to whether or not I was compatible or at the very least, viable. Moments later I was abruptly broken out of my reverie by the woman asking me very kindly to come and play some music for her. I tentatively walked over to the piano and sat down slowly on the bench while my mother looked on with eyes of encouragement. I glanced up at the teacher and she nodded for me to begin. I wondered, what should I play first? Will she be impressed? Disregarding these distracting thoughts, I began to play the first movement of a sonata by Scarlatti.
Concentrating on the task at hand, I played with as much musicality as I could muster, despite the fact that I was extremely nervous. As I continued to play I became progressively more anxious and by the time I had finished, I was a nervous wreck. However, contrary to my expectations, the teacher actually looked happy. (Ironically, this made me think that she was laughing at me, but this was not the case). After a somewhat quick performance, the teacher stood up and asked us if we would like to try a lesson starting the next week. Without a doubt my mother and I were thrilled at this and responded simultaneously with an immediate "yes!" This was the beginning of a new experience for both me and my teacher.
Immediately from the moment we started lessons, I saw just how enthusiastic and how passionate my new teacher was about piano. At first, I was slightly put off by her intense attitude, but then I began to see that it was her love of music that drove her to be so inspired. She was a teacher unlike no other who spent hours of her time dedicated to her students, even outside of lessons. Not only did we spend more time than allotted for the lesson, we also had great fun due to her sparkling personality. Mix that in with a hefty helping of passion for music and I had one feisty piano teacher on my hands. Although she was a very happy person, she was also very disciplined and thus taught me to be more self-disciplined in my practice habits (which were rather scant on some occasions). However, I learned much more than just practice habits from her.
Every lesson, no matter how tired, frustrated, or stressed she was, my piano teacher always maintained her level of teaching excellence. She proved to me that she can withstand any difficulty and still come out strong. This is perhaps one of my most important values-determination, and I can attribute it to my piano teacher stoically enduring the toughest of times, especially during the sudden passing of her husband. Even with such a devastating tragedy at hand, she still managed to be positive with her students. Her attitude towards and passion for piano did not waver, in fact, it may have gotten stronger. Her strength was made clear by her determination to keep going in the face of a terrible loss. With that kind of determination, I could take on any challenge at any time without hesitation.
However, it was in my junior year that my personal determination was challenged the most. Last year, I was in the highest math class offered in my school-calculus. Unfortunately, even after years of excelling in math, I failed to maintain even a passing grade in calculus. It eventually got to the point where my math teacher asked me to step down a level. Upon hearing this I was greatly discouraged until I remembered what I had learned from my piano teacher, to never give up in the face of adversity. Taking after her, I refused to listen and immediately began working towards my goal of passing the class, which I eventually did, by being self-motivated (another thing I learned from my piano teacher) and determined. This one huge obstacle in my school career made me realize just how influential my piano teacher had been over the past years, and how it had such a positive effect. In fact, her presence in my life and influence on my life will without a doubt, lead me on the path to success in the future, especially in college.
Any help is appreciated!
Thanks!
Hello, hello. Good essay, but I'll try to edit it thoroughly:
Walking into her unfamiliar house, I was bound to bebegan to feel intimidated, especially as twelve year olds tend to be when meeting adults for the first time. As I crossed the threshold of the doorway, I saw her completely for the first time. She seemed to tower over me, and the fact that I was only twelve at the time made her seem even taller.Due to my short stature (or height) she seemed to tower over me.Several thoughts ran across my mind while my mom engaged in casual conversation with my possible future piano teacher, one of them being a question as to whether or not I was compatible or at the very least, viable.(change italicized sentence somehow. It sound awkward reading aloud. Probably add a period somewhere) Moments later I was abruptly broken out of my reverie by the woman asking me very kindly to come and play some music for her. I tentatively walked over to the piano and sat down slowly on the bench while my mother looked on with eyes of encouragement.Under my mother's encouraging eyes, I tentatively walked over to the piano and sat down slowly. I glanced up at the teacher and she nodded for me to begin. I wondered, what should I play first? Will she be impressed? Disregarding these distracting thoughts, I began to play the first movement of a sonata by Scarlatti.
Concentrating on the task at hand, I played with as much musicality as I could muster, despite the fact that I was extremely nervous.Despite my nervousness, I concentrated on playing with as much musicality as I could muster.As I continued to play I became progressively more anxious and by the time I had finished, I was a nervous wreckAs I continued to play, I began to grow more anxious; by the time I had finished, I was a nervous wreck. However, contrary to my expectations, the teacher actually looked happy. (Ironically, this made me think that she was laughing at me, but this was not the case).At first I thought she was laughing at me. But I later realized that this was not the case. After a somewhat quick performance, the teacher stood up and asked us if we would like to try a lesson starting the next week. Without a doubt my mother and I were thrilled at this and responded simultaneously with an immediate "yes!" This was the beginning of a new experience for both me and my teacher.
Immediately from the moment weI started lessons, I saw just how enthusiastic and how passionate my new teacher was about piano. At first, I was slightly put off by her intense attitude, but then I began to see that it was her love of music that drove her to be so inspired. She was a teacher unlike no other who spent hours of her time dedicated to her students, even outside of lessons. Not only did we spend more time than allotted for the lesson, we also had great fun due to her sparkling personality. Mix that in with a hefty helping of passion for music and I had one feisty piano teacher on my hands. Although she was a very happy person, she was also very disciplined and thus taught me to be more self-disciplined in my practice habits (which were rather scan)t on some occasions . However, I learned much more than just practice habits from her.
Every lesson, no matter how tired, frustrated, or stressed she was, my piano teacher always maintained her level of teaching excellence. She proved to me that she can withstand any difficulty and still come out strong. This is perhaps one of my most important values-determination,-- and I can attribute it to my piano teacher stoically enduring the toughest of times, especially during the sudden passing of her husband. Even with such a devastating tragedy at hand, she still managed to be positive with her students. Her attitude towards and passion for piano did not waver,.I n fact, it may have gotten stronger. Her strength was made clear by her determination to keep going in the face of a terrible loss. With that kind of determination, I could take on any challenge at any time without hesitation.
However, it was in my junior year that my personal determination was challenged the most. Last year, I was in the highest math class offered in my school-calculus. Unfortunately, even after years of excelling in math, I failed to maintain even a passing grade in calculus. It eventually got to the point where my math teacher asked me to step down a level. Upon hearing this I was greatly discouraged until I remembered what I had learned from my piano teacher,: to never give up in the face of adversity. Taking after her, I refused to listen and immediately began working towards my goal of passing the class, which I eventually did, by being self-motivated (another thing I learned from my piano teacher) and determined. This one huge obstacle in my school career made me realize just how influential my piano teacher had been over the past years, and how it had such a positive effect. In fact, her presence in my life and influence on my life will without a doubt, lead me on the path to success in the future, especially in college.
Overall good stuff:) Just try not to add the parenthesis. If you're going to put those it, instead make it its own sentence. You want to be direct with your reader. Good luck with your applications though:)
