Pitzer Supplement
What factors have led you to consider Pitzer? Why do you believe it may be a good match, and what do you believe you can add to the Pitzer community, academically and personally? Feel free to draw on past experiences, and use concrete examples to support your perspective.
"You are such a fag! You are so gay!" These words echo as I enter the dorms at Cal Poly. Whether or not they are directed at me, ignorance and lack of respect injures me. Those words originated in hatred and I am struck by how relaxed and effortless it is for them to say these offensive words.
Every day, I enter my dorm confused and upset, put down my backpack, then lock the door. My thirst for knowledge is what keeps me in college and calculus and physics are all I look forward to. However, the crowded lecture halls allow students to comfortably use those words as well, so even attending class is discouraging.
At Pitzer, not only will small and interactive classes engage me, but I will also join those fighting for acceptance and change. I will contribute my passion to learn in an intimate environment and be eager to show off the quirky and philosophical nerd I am. My motivation and potential as a student and political activist will exponentially increase.
As the personal essay explains, I will never accept limits to my potential. I will always pursue paths in life that will feed me more power to positively change the world. As "You fag!" diffuses throughout my mind, I now refuse to lock myself in my room feeling disgusted. Rather, I will unite with Pitzer's student body and battle bigotry. Pitzer's political and academic environment excites me for intimate classes, originality, and social equality.
Why do you feel that Pitzer will be less judgmental or homophobic? If you want to be a student and political activist, why not start where they seem to need it more? And why were you locking yourself in your room there and why will you not do it at Pitzer?
I will contribute my passion for learning in an intimate environment, and be eager to show off the quirky and philosophical nerd I am.
I will always pursue paths in life that will feed me more power to change the world in a positive way.
As "You fag!" diffuses throughout my mind,...I don't think 'diffuses' is the right word here. Maybe 'fades from'?
Pitzer is known as being much more liberal and gay friendly than the conservative aggy school cal poly is. Second of all, "positively change the world" sounds much more fluid and coherent than "change the world in a positive way." Thirdly, diffuses is the perfect word. I am not saying fades from, I am saying the world moves around my head and is trapped.
Why are all of you comments so bad?
This is some good writing! It's good, because it makes me feel a real emotion. I want to point out something interesting, though: words in your essay make me feel upet!
google this: embedded commands hypnosis.
It is interesting how words like "confused and depressed" automatically make the reader feel confused and depressed. So, you are doing some interesting things to the subconscious mind.
The essay makes me feel disgusted, angry, frustrated. These are not good feelings, but the essay is good art, because it really creates a change in how I feel.
But it's also interesting to note that you have the option to use words that make people have positive associations. If I say something about feeling welcome and at ease, it makes the reader feel welcome and at ease.
So, your essay will probably impress the reader but it will also put her in a bad mood!
Thanks for your honesty Kevin, I really appreciate it! I will keep that in mind. However, the point is to bring up depression and the pain I have felt at my current school. I want the reader to feel what I feel.
However, the point is to bring up depression and the pain I have felt at my current school. I want the reader to feel what I feel.
Yep, I hear you. And it's good! I was having trouble explaining what I meant. I just thought it was interesting, and it reminded me of what I have recently read about "impact words" in neuro-linguistic programming -- a very cool subject.
wow. interesting. You seem like a very passionate person as well. where are you from?
Only passionate about certain things. Language seems really powerful to me. I'm from New England, grew up all over it.
About hypnosis and NLP... it's interesting that they are subjects from psychology but also very important subjects in writing --fiction or nonfiction, anything really.
