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Essay on a place where I grew up. 'Do the things you've got to do to, do the things you want to do'

andrea4116 1 / -  
Nov 17, 2018   #1

APPLY TEXAS TOPIC A What was the environment in which you were raised?

Describe your family, home...

Despite minor grammatical errors is the overall topic of this essay odd? How should I adjust it to be better. I am also top 10% so it doesnt need to be amazing just not completely mediocre.

Do the things you've got to do to do the things you want to do. One of my dads favorite thing to tell me. Not just in school, not just at home, but anywhere and everywhere. My dad and my mother both had to work very hard to get to where they are now. Being pregnant at just eighteen years old my mother was not able to finish her degree and had to stay at home. As a result my father also could not afford to stay at college and new what he needed to do in order to support our family while being financially smart, so he dropped out and began working immediately.

I live in El Paso Texas, a small cultural city bordering Ciudad Juarez Chihuahua. My mother was born and raised in Juarez and moved to El Paso after she gained citizenship by marrying my father, who was born in El Paso. A culmination of Mexican and American cultures in which i was raised in. Growing up I spent a lot of time in Juarez, with my abuelita.

I would walk across the street and swing at the park or even just slide down the slide. Often alone, or if i was lucky my sisters would come play with me, usually forced upon by my mother. Then all of a sudden we would visit much less, and when we did i wasnt allowed to go outside anymore! My mother always kept me by her side and we never did anything anymore. She tried to explain to me how dangerous the city was, but i didn't fully understand. How could a city just a few minutes away from my "safe" home be of such hazard? I just wanted to play at the park. As a kid i was so blind to all the danger and craziness going on. Soon enough my abuelita started visiting us in El Paso and even began renting an apartment just to see us.

One of the most important lessons my abuelita taught me was dedication and hard work. As I grew up she began to teach me how to play the piano. This was a difficult task for me because it did not come easy to me at all. Although I continued to do these piano lessons to spend as much time as possible with my abuelita. Within a lot of practice i got the hang of it and i would even do concerts! There would be some brunches at the country clubs in Juarez that i would go and play it! It was such a beautiful experience seeing myself overcome this task and be able to play the piano. (??My abuelita sadly passed away after a long battle against Ovarian Cancer, although she is still with me everyday, and especially when i play the piano in her name. ?)

When i wasn't in Juarez I was with my papa, my dads father. He taught me love and patience. I have few memories of him speaking English or holding a conversation with me. When I was about 5 years old unfortunately he had a stroke so his whole right side of his body could not function. Every Sunday we would go out to eat, usually Lubys one of his favorites. Because of his impairment that is where i gained the most patience, it was very difficult to understand what he was saying when he could only say one word and barely lift a hand. His only words he could say was "nada nada" always a minimum of two times up to who knows how many times. It was difficult to understand him at times but I always felt like we had a special connection. For some reason I always understood what he meant , although he could only say "nada nada" I knew sometimes that meant yes, or just about anything. He taught me how to appreciate everything around you because just about anything can be taken away from you at any moment.

All of these role figures in my life have molded me into the person i am today and the person i desire to be. Without each of them I would not be the same. They have all taught me how to get through difficult times, successfully and with passion. It is with these same characteristics I want to use to further my career and goals especially at Texas A&M University.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,707 3785  
Nov 18, 2018   #2
It is very unfortunate Andrea that this essay is exactly what you hoped it would not be. It is mediocre. The quality is not good because there is no connection between your family experiences and background that you depict with the person you are today. For every anecdote that you have to tell, there should be a corresponding lesson learned on your part or development of understanding or personality adjustment that resulted.

For example, How does playing the piano connect with who you are today? What sort of lessons were imparted to you by your abuelita that you found yourself applying to your life later on? Why do you consider her a role model instead of merely being someone in the family you wanted to please? How does the fact that your parents do not have a college education due to their circumstances affect your belief about a college education? Do you consider it important because of their lack of education? How do you feel about having under educated parents? How did that affect how you see them?

If you review the essay you should see that you only told their story or gave memorable references to what you remember about them, but there is a lack of justification regarding how these memories and experiences with your family has helped to shape the person you have become today. The reviewer will definitely learn a lot about your family background, but he is will also come away from the reading knowing very little about who you have become because of your family history. I strongly suggest a revision of the essay to better reflect the 2 points for each family member presentation paragraph.

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